A Gift in Kind October 16, 2007
This morning I had a rather complicated dream and am wondering if I will be able to do justice writing it down. In a way it is similar to the dream I had last week because it somehow brought that car accident and girl into the story.
When I gave some thought this morning to the dream, which confused me as I awoke, I began to remember another dream from years ago when I saw a car crash into a tree and burst into flames. At the time I believed one of the people in that car was my father. Both my mother and I stood by and watched helplessly as the car burned. I think somehow this recent accident triggered a memory for me, although I can’t figure out why.
I was unsure why this girl came to me after her death, but she seemed to want me to understand the accident which killed her and caused serious injury to her boyfriend was not his fault. This accident happened while our son, Lucas, was in Grade 11 in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan. He knew the girl although they traveled in different circles. The couple had been partying, it was Friday night and they drove home despite the fact they had been drinking heavily. From what I was told a few days later (I believe it was the boyfriend’s mother who told me), they were fighting and the girl grabbed the steering wheel, which at the speed they were going had disastrous results. However, as is typical I think of those grieving for such a senseless death, the boy was blamed for the accident. I can only imagine this would have long lasting affects on his psyche.
This girl seemed happy in my dream, and she felt it very important that I know he was not responsible. I was working part-time at a flower shop, and as luck would have it the boy’s mother came in before the funeral on a day when I was working. I gathered up my courage to give her the message from my dream, unsure of how it would be received.
I got the impression she was grateful for what I told her and was going to tell her son. She came back a few days later and we made plans for her son to come see me when he was doing better, to talk about everything. Unfortunately, this did not happen, but I did what I could to help this young man face the hardships coming to him as a result of their actions. I could only imagine what he would go through. So perhaps I have answered my own query, the girl came to me because of where I worked which gave me the opportunity to pass on this vital piece of information in the hope it would provide some comfort to her friend.
In this dream I saw a picture of the girl who died in the accident, but as I looked it began to change. The girl now had long dark hair and was sitting on a chair with a woman I thought was her mother. The mother had her arm around the girl’s shoulder lending her support, the girl looked as though she was in pain. She was pregnant and about to give birth.
The next thing I saw was a baby in a crib who seemed to grow older as I watched, until in the end she was five or six years of age. At this point the girl looked like me with blonde hair cut quite short. I saw she was crying and seemed scared. I heard a voice say to her she should not be afraid. I believe the exact words were, “Don’t let them see your fear and I will be able to come you.” This child was beautiful, all the more-so bathed in white light, her face illuminated in this white, almost golden light.
Could this have been when I was forced into cutting my hair short? I would have been 6 years old. I am struck by the idea that in order to be in the ‘Montauk Chair’ and considering how the apparatus was connected to my neck and head, it makes sense short hair was required. I feel I finally understand the real reason for the hair cut, giving me comfort in a strange kind of way. This was a likely age for me to have had time in the chair based on my other memories.*
I do not understand what this had to do with the girl from the recent accident in Prince Albert. I cannot explain why her picture was shown to me in the beginning of the dream making a direct connection to what would follow. The only thing that comes to mind is perhaps they were of similar age. Also, Patrick wondered if this dream was her way of granting me a favour in return for my receptivity to her and my acceptance in conveying her message. If this is so, then I once again marvel at the way in which I continue to receive such beautiful gifts through the spirit world. It is quite fascinating.
There is further confusion over who the pregnant girl was, as well as the identity of the girl in the crib, although I suspect the child was me as there was such a strong resemblance when I was that age. It has occurred to me while writing this, the voice telling me not to show my fear, which is no longer a clear memory, most likely belonged to my father. I can see now it was a warning, for fear closed the memories behind the door in my mind. Had I not been so scared would I have been able to keep the spiritual connection between us open? I can definitely accept the idea it may not have taken so long to open the door again had I not been so afraid, but then the reality I face is my young age.
However, if the recent accident was a trigger for this childhood memory it does make sense. I was between two and seven when I went through so much of the trauma. It seemed they continually found new ways to frighten and torment me, being very creative in their approach. I used to be ashamed of my fears, unable to explain their existence, but I know better now.
Acceptance in the knowledge I could never be expected to hide my fear during those years allows me to let go of the tendrils holding me to the past. My power grows as my fear dissipates even as their power dissolves, their fear growing as I and others like me awaken.
So much of my life I have been afraid. My fear has given them control, my silence has given them power. “Without fear, they have no strength.” From the movie, Apocalypto.
*see The Chair, Chapter V, page 167
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