Dream About Being Shot September 19, 2015
On this night I had a dream that gave me comfort in connection with the previous dream of the shootings.* Once again Spirit has found a way to give me peace from an unexpected source and it is gratifying to have this understanding. I was ready to face the reality I had no control over a world I did not understand. I was ready to forgive myself for the burden I never asked for, but carried because I loved the man who died that night. I was ready to accept he gave his life that I might continue with mine.
I dreamt that I was somewhere that reminded me of Mexico. I was with a group of people and we were being rounded up and forced into a line. We weren’t cooperating very well, I imagine because we were confused and scared, being lined up as we were about to be shot. When it was my turn I was forced to the ground onto my stomach. The man who was going to shoot me straddled my body as I tried to curl up in a fetal position. He put the gun to my head and pulled the trigger. I felt a searing sharp pain that lasted a few seconds or less. Hard to judge really, and then there was nothing. In that moment I awoke, realizing I could still feel the pain from the bullet, it had been so realistic.
In dreams everything can happen so fast, leaving no time to react which in this case was a blessing. Feeling the bullet go into my head and realizing how short the period of suffering was, I could now understood the man who was shot in the car so many years ago would not have suffered long.
This seemed to release me from the burden of grief and guilt I have been carrying for him, believing I was the cause of his death and his suffering. It is said that time heals all wounds, but from my experience I wonder if it is more accurate to say we find ways to cope, but some wounds may never completely heal. We manage to find ways to move forward and accept, giving us the means to provide compassion and assistance to others finding their way. This in itself allows the continuing of the healing process, if we allow it.
*see Guilt and Fear, Chapter II, page 84
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