The Spider Returns March 8, 2017
I had a dream this morning about my old friend the spider, and a group of sea turtles, all different sizes and ages. After reading the spirit meaning of turtle online at wildgratitude.com, I think I can understand at least part of the message.
“…Turtle can stop the beating of her own heart, turning it on and off at will. The heart is often seen as a ticking clock, keeping time. We cannot escape the advance of time as our hearts must beat to keep us alive, but turtle spirit can teach us how to slow down or even stop our perception of time. Ultimately, time is an illusion, a construct of the human mind. Now is the time to let go of deadlines and forget schedules. Have you ever experienced one moment stretched over many? This is the meaning of turtle at work.”
Did I stop my heart for these past years so I could survive until I felt safe enough to come back to life? To me it seems a real possibility. The day I would have done that would coincide with the introduction of the spider. Time and again this spider has come to remind me I must go back to that day and face what happened. To have courage.
In my dream the turtles were in the back of a large van. Most were on the floor, but my attention was drawn to the two that were on the ceiling of the van, held in place by spider webs, Only the shells were left.
I immediately stepped back away from the van and said with panic in my voice, “Ok, where is it?” Meaning the spider, the one from my childhood that gave me the scar on my face. I was so afraid of seeing it, but at the same time I really needed to know where it was so it could not surprise me again. The fear was so intense and real, as if it was really happening. This woke me up and I couldn’t sleep after that.
This dream has an interesting message. First of all I did not see the spider, but I knew instantly it was the South American bird spider that had taken the turtles. Second, I was not a child in this dream but was still affected by the trauma. This time though I was not frozen by my fear. Lastly, there were several turtles still alive and I had the opportunity to rescue them, something that never happened for me. The two turtles that died were small, young. The remaining ones were various ages, but still fully grown, so I had the chance to help them move forward.
I understood from this dream that my past can help others. In order to be effective with that goal, I have to face my fear of the spider, or at least those responsible for putting that spider in my life. By going back through all my journals and reliving all these memories I faced my fear of self discovery.
We have the tendency to believe we are responsible for the actions of others, or for the bad things that happen to us. In order to place that burden on the shoulders of the person responsible, first we must face the truth. It has been my hope by doing this myself I can now help others make this choice in their own lives. This seed was planted that night which I hope will become a garden of hope.
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