Dogs come in every shape, color and size here in Ecuador. Scrappy alone has fathered many litters in this area. When I first arrived here Scrappy, Chiripa and Scott, who was only 2 months old, were inseparable, rarely coming to visit, perhaps intimidated by the dog from Canada. Scott was the first to adopt me, finding comfort on my dirty clothes pile in the bathroom, calling it home. I took his death this spring quite hard, missing him still!
Chiripa and Scrappy began to join me on my runs and walks to town after a month or so, but still, they knew home was with Maria and Javier. Chiripa’s puppies latched onto me when I would go for my mid day meal, often following me back to my room. I had quite the family before long, all of them hungry for affection.
Chiripa had a terrible accident last summer, struck by a big truck, which left her seriously injured. I had been on my way to visit Maria and Javier at their new home when it happened. I didn’t see it because she had run ahead with Scrappy and were out of sight around the bend of road. I was already carrying her puppy because I couldn’t stop her from following me, although I did take her back once. I managed to keep Scott from following after a certain point, and Mali was faithfully walking at my heel on this very busy area of road. I heard the cries and knew it was bad. I carried both her and the puppy the rest of the way to Maria’s which was thankfully was not much further. It was awkward weight to carry, but Chiripa could not walk and Fuzzbit was too vulnerable to let her walk.
From that day, and the days following when I tended to Chiripa, helping her as best I could with “Spirit” energy guiding me, she has remained at my doorstep, leaving only to get the scraps offered at the kitchen or defend her realm. Like Mali she never really leaves me, making it difficult as the last months have shown me I would be leaving the valley soon. Scrappy understood, my daily explanations were absorbed by his mournful eyes, as he began to pull away, move closer to Laura’s family. He is a beautiful and intelligent animal, and protects me with love. Of late when he comes with me to town or on my run, he stays by my side for most of the journey, something new. I am touched by his loyalty, even while he breaks away from my sphere, knowing as I believe he does that I am going away, not returning.
As I mentioned in my last post, Chiripa’s delivery was extremely difficult and she stopped eating. I spent a great deal of time with her, holding her, bathing her and sitting beside her. I felt Mali was a bit jealous by the attention I was giving, so I analyzed my position. I felt Chiripa was dying, she would not eat or drink water, so I thought, like Scott, it was a matter of days. I was willing to share the time based on my feeling. However on Tuesday evening, when she still refused to help herself, I explained it was time for her to let go. If she would not take the medicine, eat or drink, then I could no longer “hold” her in my space. I was making a very difficult decision with respect to Mali, and my attention needed to shift. She began to eat and drink while I slept that night. Yesterday she was up and walking, eating small amounts of food throughout the day. She will not let me out of her sight, so I know parting will be very difficult when it is time for me to leave. I truly hope she will be ok, I know she is incredibly strong……. she is a dog of Ecuador after-all, able to withstand much hardship!
My time must be for Mali as I prepare to not only leave Ecuador, but also my beloved companion of 10 years. The decision of whether she came back with me or stayed here rested with “Spirit”, as it was a decision I refused to make. It seemed she would indeed be coming back, but on that same Tuesday, I gave Chiripa the ultimatum, I learned it was not possible for Mali to join me. “Spirit” gave me my answer undeniably, the restrictions with the airline and my choices in this regard limited to 1.
Maria and Javier offered to take her for me to their home which is now on a farm, isolated and very beautiful. She will have the freedom she has enjoyed here these past 2 years, much more than I could provide in Canada. She knows, I see it in her eyes when whe is watching me. There is a heaviness in our small room, but we spend a great deal of time in it, alone. She is never in a hurry to go outside, but her time out of the room is spent away from me more and more. As if she too is preparing for what’s coming.
I cry so much, it is shameful. In reality I have been preparing for this time since December when I first dreamt I would be leaving. One does not anticipate though how difficult such a decision can be until it is upon them. She has been my whole world from the day she arrived, offering great bursts of sunshine in every single day we have been together. She has greatly contributed to my healing, a true angel guiding and protecting me. But I have seen a tiredness in her of late, although I know her spirit is still playful and young. It is important for her well being I let her go. I feel we have come to a crossroad, each of needing to continue alone. I have often seen images flash in my mind of being with different groups of people, and there is a feeling I will be travelling more. I can’t say I understand where my path is taking me just now, but I understand I must honor the decision of spirit to let go of my dependency on Mali. Always our spirits are entwined, I will carry her in my heart as I have carried all who I have lost.
Mali too, is a dog of Ecuador, a warrior spirit, a heart capable of loving the whole world, and a joyful, positive and uplifting spirit always ready to make you smile. She is so much more than a dog, she is the joy of life and I love her enough to let her go, be free…….the path of the heart can indeed be difficult, but then it is also full of great rewards!