In Vallegrande October 19, 2023
It was not long into the journey here which was a 5 hour drive through the mountains when I learned Fernando’s grandmother not only met el Che, but served him a meal then he went back to bathe in the river before he and his men continued on their way.
It is true that when we get up each day we do not know who we will meet with the possibility of changing our lives, perhaps forever. To learn this happened from the man I would spend much of my remaining time in Bolivia with, confirms the magical connections made without our interference.
From Fernando who was my taxi driver today:
My grandmother is called Magdalena Ortiz Vargas she had a restaurant called Speed (I am not sure if this was the correct translation for the name of restaurant) when one day Ernesto Che Guevara came to ask for food and medicine for him and his soldiers since he was asthmatic and my grandmother did not hesitate to help him.
My grandmother said that Che was a very sympathetic man with very nice eyes with a beard and with long hair. My grandmother said that Che took a bath and then said goodbye to them and went to Vallegrande and that his boots were very worn. My mom’s brother wanted to go with Che to Vallegrande. My dad says that Che arrived first here and then bathed in the river. The place where he bathed is called the “entrance to Palermo”.
It only took a second to process why I could not book the tour through a company from my home in Canada. I also had to decline one offer for a tour because the amount was too expensive for me. I was almost ready to give up because everything would cost more than I had and I did not want to run out of cash before I left. Because I could not get firm cost amounts before leaving there was no way for me to anticipate how much I would require to do all I felt was necessary to get the closure needed. Also, so much of the money I had for the trip was given to me by a friend, so there was importance for me to not take advantage of her generosity, something not so long ago I would not have been able to accept in the first place. Of course there is understanding it is not a good situation to not be able to pay for your room or buy a meal, so while I pondered what I would do if the trip to La Higuera wouldn’t happen, an alternative solution presented itself. This one I could afford.
Fernando picked me up at the hotel Thursday the 19th at noon and we began our journey. With google translate we managed to have a decent conversation, although there were things I did not completely understand from him. Taking a chance I did tell him about my story, showed him Lucas’ picture and expressed my need to know for certain if my story was true. The look on his face when he saw Lucas told me quite a bit. The resemblance is really quite remarkable.
Sapphire joined us along the way which was wonderful – it has been so long since seeing him fly so close. I even managed to get a picture as we neared our destination. After paying for the hotel we decided to walk to the hospital where Che’s body was laid out for display 56 years ago. This is one of the stops for the Ruta del Che, so I expected it to have been kept as a shrine. It was quite a disappointment because it is now just a room with no sign of him ever being there. On the wall of another building a mural of him can be seen, but in my mind I thought there would be much more of a representation. I felt hollow, empty and sad knowing he was truly gone from this particular location.
While we ate our supper, I said to Fernando that perhaps this was what was necessary for me to move on. To see that time is erasing such monuments indicates it is also time to accept he is truly gone – I won’t find him as I hoped for at one time. He agreed saying I had to see it with my own eyes. It was the hospital in my waking dream where I saw myself place the hummingbird stone, so I see now that was him showing me he would not be found there. At the time, I saw it as a sign there would at last be confirmation of his presence. Because I was so young when he died, not discovering until so many years later, it seems likely this is why I held to the belief time here was in a sense frozen to the day of his death. It’s possible there will be no more for me to gain from this experience, but still we go to La Higuera in the morning returning to Santa Cruz the same day.
They say you have to revisit the place where your trauma happened to realize it is not bigger than you, the way it was when you were a child, feeling helpless. La Higuera is that place for me, last night I understood Vallegrande was also part of this tragedy, yet the evidence of his presence had been removed, the room now a place of storage. This seemed a cold reminder of how change, even for such a significant time in history must happen. For me there was a sad emptiness from coming to the hospital where his body once lay in death. This made me wonder if La Higuera would have a similar outcome – once more I had to remind myself not to have any expectations either way. In a sense the mountain village has held me a captive because of how much I lost 56 years ago. So the little hummingbird flying free from the stone I had when I left Canada was symbolic of my need and perhaps papa’s need for me, to find closure. I say papa’s need because the message John gave me 2 years ago was in part, that I had to find my own voice, he would stay with me until then, but he wanted me to not be dependant on his accomplishments for my confidence. How can you find your own voice, when you can’t let go of the pain which trapped you for your whole life?
There is something to be said regarding seeing things with our own eyes as Fernando expressed. Without the dreams it would not have been easy to imagine what happened here in real time. All I have is fragments from moments long forgotten, buried beneath sorrow. After seeing the hospital, I really have no more expectations – it will be whatever it is without me hoping for more. I said to Fernando Che gave the people of Bolivia more in death than he was able to in his life here, meaning the tourism connected to his last days has helped the locals survive. After seeing the hospital, I wonder if this is coming to an end with the walls portraying the love for him now painted as if nothing happened. There is a sense I was robbed of the experience of seeing displayed the sentiments of the many who loved him. It just took me far too long to find my way here. But then everything happens for a reason and in essence then, there are no mistakes only redirection to a different set of circumstances enabling one to experience the needed lesson.
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