From the day Malaika came into my life we have shared the common emotion of fear. When Lucas brought her home she was so frightened having sensed (I believe) that her life was about to end. Had Lucas not rode in on his white horse in the nick of time Mali was going to be drowned in a sack to end her unwanted life by the people who owned her mother. I believe that she was able to sense that she owed her life to us and has shown her gratitude every day with her happy nature.
So she came to me as soon as the gate opened into our yard where I stood by the door waiting to meet her. She had thrown up in the car on the way over and was shaking from the fear of this unknown situation. We connected instantly probably based on this common thread of living in fear. For me she was a light that has kept me from the edge of my precarious world from which I have wanted to jump more than once.
Preparing for this trip I have been quite nervous about the idea that Mali will have to travel as cargo with the luggage. I could not help but imagine how difficult it would be for her to be shut out from the world in this way. I imagine she would believe she would never see me again locked away in this place that was dark, full of strange and loud noises and no one to comfort and assure her.
Knowing that she would not be comfortable in a kennel, having never been confined in that way before, I purchased one 6 weeks before the trip to help her get used to the idea of confined space. I left the top off until she went in to lay down on her bed of her own choosing. It took almost a month for her to sleep on her cushion in the kennel. It gave me great relief to find her in the kennel one morning when I got up, so I praised her for her decision.
A few days later I attached the top of the kennel so she would get used to a more confined space. To my surprise it did not take many days for her to make the adjustment. She began to sleep in the kennel most nights becoming quite comfortable with the location of her new bed.
Arriving at the airport and sensing that this kennel was no longer just a bed she began to question the idea of going inside it. We had time to kill before she was to be taken to cargo so we walked around, then relaxed as we sat together in a corner while she guarded her kennel; what was left of our home. She would not go into it though, not even to get a toy, so I realized that it would not be an easy task to get her in when the time came. I wish I could have been wrong about that, but it was very difficult and stressful for us both. In the end, after several attempts, I had to force her to go in and quickly close the door so she would not bolt out again. The attendant could only stand there and watch as I struggled to keep her in long enough to shut the door, crying all the while. She was whimpering while I did my best to assure that I was not abandoning her, that I would pick her up in a few hours. As difficult as it was I knew I had to walk away and hope that she could settle down and accept her situation if she could not see me.
Once I was seated on the plane, with the very fortunate position of a window seat looking out at the ramp where the cargo was being loaded, I was able to watch her get lifted onto the ramp and move forward into the hold. It gave me peace to see her sit up, her ears bouncing as they do, looking around at her new surroundings, wondering I’m sure, what in the world was going on.
When I went to pick her up after landing, I was a bit anxious, but Patrick was there to pick me up and drive to us to the Cargo warehouses where I was told I’d find her. It was very confusing getting there, the streets were under construction and the signs were not there saying “Cargo this way”. We took a lifetime to get there. When I went in and asked for her they did not know what I was talking about. They told me they did not have an airway bill, so did not have my dog. Well I’m sure you can imagine what I was feeling. They gave me the phone number for the airline to find out what happened to her. I had been given the wrong information from copa airlines after all. She had been dropped off not 30 feet from where I had picked up my bags earlier. Frustration and a feeling of complete sadness for putting her through this hit me like a hammer when I finally got to her kennel and saw the defeated and sorrowful look on her face. Her head was bowed and she would not look at me. Later I understood that she felt ashamed because she had not been there to protect me as she understands she is meant to do. I also understood that she was not happy with me for putting her in this situation. Forgiveness came after a short period of time.
I took her outside to the doggie park beside the building, praising her every step of the way letting her know how proud of her. Here she was finally able to do her business and get a drink of water.
She jumped into the truck going as far away from the door as she could so that I could not ask her to come out again. It took some time for her to trust that I was not going to ask her to go in the kennel again, but we had a long day of driving trying to find the consulate to get her documents signed so she could enter Ecuador. Finding our way around Toronto was an interesting experience as we got turned around and lost several times. All was not terrible though as we stumbled upon a whole food market where I was able to buy an organic coffee and some delicious pastries for breakfast/lunch. The whole time we were driving Miss Mali pressed her body against mine putting her head on my shoulder staying as close as was allowed in the space. I kept my arm around her holding her close, feeling her energy seep into mine. Taking her to Cargo the next morning was the hardest thing I had to face knowing she would have to get back in that kennel to a world of uncertainty once more. I talked to her explaining over and over that I would be there to pick her up on the other side, she had to trust me, I would be there for her.
Arriving at the consulate after about 3 hours of driving provided yet another experience that tested my patience. First of all it was mis-information once more that could have led to a disaster had Patrick not done his research into the circumstance of bring her into the country. Copa airlines insisted that I did not need to go to the consulate for the official stamp of approval, so I would not have gone had I followed the instructions given to me. Patrick insisted that I check again because he was told by his source at the consulate that I did have to follow this procedure. When I called back I was told from another person who then checked with WestJet, the airline that brought us to Toronto, that if I did not go to the consulate I ran the risk of Mali being quarantined for up to 4 months or in a severe case (it is dependant on the country you are entering) they would put her down. The decision was made to go into downtown Toronto to take care of this immediately. After 3 hours of driving I spent another 2 hours in the consulate waiting for the official seal and signature allowing her safe passage. Then it was back to Cargo to drop off her cage and deliver the documents needed for travel. Getting Mali in the kennel to prove she was comfortable in there was a bit of a challenge with her leaping out the door the second we opened it.
When we were at last done with all the legal requirements, we went to a park so Mali could release her frustrations chasing a ball, feeling the grass under her feet. We had noticed as we drove all over the city that she became very alert when we passed ditches with tall grass. It made me laugh to see her perk up with the recognition of great places to explore. Patrick and I took the time to relax for awhile without any pending obligations for the first time in over a month. It felt good to sit in the sun, the temperature around 20 degrees and enjoy the quiet.
I was not so fortunate in Panama to be able to watch her board the plane. I was told that she was fine when I asked, but still until I see her I will be wondering about her ability to cope with so many strange and uncertain events.
I could not find anyone in the airport in Panama who spoke English to find out if she had made the journey alright. There was a thunder storm happening while I waited for my connecting flight and once again I was frustrated that I could not give her comfort knowing how afraid she is of storms.
It was close to boarding time for me on my connecting flight but the message board giving the flight information had not come up yet so I was getting nervous. There was no one at the desk for me to ask and it was very crowded and awkward to move around with my heavy pack. But when at last the information showed on the screen I saw that it was not my flight arriving at the gate shown on my ticket. Thinking I had only 15 minutes to find the right gate and cursing because all the announcements had been in Spanish and those that were in English sounded Spanish, I had no knowledge the gate number had been changed. I finally found someone to ask who of course did not speak English, but he understood enough that he checked the manifest for the correct gate number which was of course on the other side of the airport. In my distress getting up from my seat I had unknowingly dropped my passport on the floor and would have left without it had the lady across from me not noticed and brought it to me while I was getting the correct flight information. Gracias, repeat, repeat. The kindness of a stranger that you can’t even understand is a beautiful thing is it not? I ran to the correct gate, well a very fast walk, discovering when I arrived there that I had an hour to board and stood in line. I had not been able to get a wi-if connection since leaving Toronto so could not check my flight status. I had been trusting instinct and the goodness in people and found that is a reliable combination given the right circumstances. I have been blessed and protected as I go and am grateful.
Both Mali and I have had our fears thrown in our faces and are doing our best to walk out of this circle, a prison of sorts, so that we can begin a new circle that revolves around joy, harmony and love, rather than hate and fear which was instilled in both of us at a very young age. It is never too late to change.
Can you imagine what this would feel like……
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