Anything can happen in a day. I have learned that when I’m at work, anyone can walk through the door and surprise me in ways I could not expect. Just the simplest act of kindness means so much right now, not just for me, but everyone. Our future is uncertain, something most of us could never have dreamed possible. We believe for the most part, if we work hard, everything will work out, we will have everything we need and no harm will come to us. After a year of lock downs, restrictions and human rights violations, I think we now know, things do not always work out just because we work hard and live in a good way.
This is an over simplified expression of how I feel about this past year. I have gone into detail through this blog expressing my frustrations, my concerns, my fears and my difficult decisions. No need to repeat them. But as I reflect on this past year, well really, on my past, I understand an honest life and working hard, does not mean you will get either what you need or what you want. Some of us just seem to hit more walls, than open doors, but still, we persevere. I suppose, this last year has taught many this lesson, and it makes me sad to know it will continue for much longer than any of us will be comfortable with.
So yes, the smallest act of kindness can mean so much right now. A smile, seen only by the crinkle of skin around the eyes because of the masks, seems an enormous gift as you pass so many who are lost in their thoughts unable to acknowledge anyone. It seems we have turned into robots as we move past each other, afraid of human contact, afraid to get too close or share more than a passing glance. Well I for one do my best not to behave this way. I will hug someone I care about, smile at everyone even if I don’t recognize them and say hi to anyone who dares to look at me as I walk past them. I behave as I have always done, with courtesy, compassion and kindness. I will not allow this situation to take away my humanity.
Today, I realized two very important things.
- I really do not like seeing the worry, uncertainty and tension in so many people, and even more so, feeling it,
- One of my favorite things is helping someone else, even if it’s only in a small way.
I made a decision today because of a series of small, seemingly insignificant and random moments. It’s not really important what the decision was, it is quiet personal. The important thing about this particular story, is why I was able to make the decision. It was because of a simple act of kindness.
In my last post, I mentioned a woman who came into the store like a little black storm cloud. She came in today, although this time she was just a mild breeze, calmer than I have ever seen her. There was a shyness about her today, reminding me of myself after talking about my trauma with someone I barely knew. Uncertainty wraps itself around you when you approach someone who knows how vulnerable you can be. Understanding is a wonderful gift. Without going into detail, I will just say that this woman wanted very much to buy a jacket for her son, but did not have enough cash on her. It was as I said, a very small gesture, but I paid for the article of clothing. There was a man in the store walking around looking at everything. It didn’t really occur to me he would be listening to our conversation. But after this woman left, I discovered he had indeed been listening. He asked about the amount she was short and I explained it was alright, I covered the cost for her, and didn’t mind at all helping her out. He handed me a five dollar bill, explaining as he did, it was to replace the amount I had just paid for her. Also he requested I use the balance to buy her a coffee the next time I saw her.
So within about 15 minutes, I experienced this beautiful exchange of kindness, of humanity. As I write this, I am having flashes of similar moments in my past where something so simple has brought big rewards, and I am emotional. I barely know this woman, had only just met the man, and yet here we all were sharing this unique gift of friendship. Is that not truly beautiful?
The five dollar bill sits in my purse, and I am looking forward to sharing it with my little storm cloud, or gentle breeze, however she presents herself. I have learned in my life, out of all the lessons presented to me, accepting kindness from others is probably the most significant. Small or large, they are the threads which join together to weave a very interesting tapestry. I wonder is this what God is all about? Not judgement, but curiosity as spirit presents us with a huge variety of opportunities to share moments of kindness…….or not. The decisions made to help, or not to help, be too busy, or to make the time, to listen or be distracted, all changing the direction of our path in life. It may seem so small a change, we never notice, but each decision we make does indeed shape our future, define our past, make us who we are in this moment.
None of us will ever be perfect, not all of us will find the success our North American culture tells us is so important to achieve. But there will always be these moments which feed our souls, shining a light on the bigger picture, if only for a second. If I had made different decisions at every junction of importance, would I have ended up somewhere else? Does it matter? Or is it only important to accept I am here in this moment, only this moment, with everything leading up to it, showing me where my next step should be? If I’m wrong, is it really wrong? It is only another opportunity to learn something about myself so I can grow and change if needed.
If this past year has taught me anything, it is that life is too short to worry about what might happen. Living is far more important than worrying about how you might die, don’t you think?
I told another customer today I love my job because so many interesting people walk through the door and I enjoy talking to them all. She had made a comment about an older woman’s laughter lifting her spirits. The older woman she mentioned was someone I was talking to as she paid for her purchases. I am just realizing as I write, this is yet another simple gift. The sound of laughter, heard by a stranger who felt compelled to say how much it meant to hear it. My days at work are filled with such moments, and so as I take stock tonight, I can only be very thankful for the many people spirit sends my way, allowing me to have these bursts of color in my tapestry. With these thoughts winding their way through my mind, I can absolutely feel my desire to release debts owed through acts of violence towards me. Forgiveness is not only possible, it is happening