PTSD is not mental illness! PTSD is a condition caused from fear. Looking at it this way allows us to understand everyone has some degree of PTSD, which in turn allows us to accept in others what cannot be understood from our own experiences.
Yesterday while in conversation with a work mate, I began to see this very clearly. I was trying to explain how I picked up the energy of a customer, which was quite scattered due to stress and worry on his part. This made me less confident myself and I knew I had to really concentrate in order to not make a mistake. My co-worker, not completely understanding what happens to me tried to explain how he is able to control such things.
My inability to explain what happens to me in these situations tends to cause such misunderstandings. It is not about focus, at least not as it begins to happen, it is about not protecting myself from feeling what others are going through. Once I understand what I’m feeling does not belong to me, it then takes some effort to close the door which allowed those emotions of someone else to enter my inner space. This is not PTSD, this is being an empath, the distinction something which became very clear yesterday.
Because of the many years not understanding what happens to me does not belong to me, it has taken some time to separate what is connected to my own fears, in other words triggering me, and what belongs to someone else, being an empath. What I pick up belonging to someone else, does not necessarily have to be the person I am talking to or standing next to. It can be anyone nearby, even outside the store. This is how the web got tangled. I suppose as there have been so many fears needed to be contended, I often have confused triggers (PTSD) with empathy. As I face my fears daily, becoming stronger within myself, I am able to distinguish with more certainty what is mine and what does not belong.
It is surprising to learn there are far less triggers, than empathetic situations causing my often dysfunctional behaviour. This leaves me to wonder – do those with severe PTSD also become empaths? Are the two conditions connected? This has led me to understand my first comment, that PTSD is not mental illness. Labelling our condition as an illness suggests it cannot be healed without a doctors help. This also creates a stigma around it preventing social acceptance. We have been led to believe mental illness makes us incapable of being part of society. Although this can be very true for some categories, PTSD is something which needs different counselling in my opinion. Facing our fears in controlled situations with skilled healers can make the difference between being socially active or inactive. Trusting in ones inner guidance, paramount in discovering the best methods to face what stops us from living a full life.
Something happened yesterday after my experience with the customer (mentioned above), which seemed to drive home the importance of what I’m saying. For those who do not understand empathy, or those who suffer from extreme PTSD, the situation I am about to explain will probably have little to no meaning. However if you read this story and suffer as I do, it will make sense in a way which possibly cannot be described. This is because there is an “internal settling” which takes place difficult to describe. It is an inner knowing coming from a source which one may call “Spirit” or “God” and it cannot be denied or explained. It just is!
Two men came into the store while I was at the counter talking to my co-worker. I have internal bells which go off in situations like this which caution me to just watch and be very alert to behaviour, most would not be cognizant of. Dismissal of small nuances is easy for most to do and explaining what is felt, lost on the majority. Only those who understand because of being in traumatic situations which are life threatening, will be able to pick up on what you might tell them and act accordingly.
I understood immediately these men were not who they were pretending to be; contractors, labourers. I was raised during my first 5-6 years with secret service agents because of who my mother was. I know their energy in an instant, it is muscle memory from childhood experiences and cannot be ignored. The one man stood to the side while the other charged their purchase. The one standing to the side was not as skilled in his training, as he dared to look at me a couple of times. I saw the shame in his eyes when he did so. He was curious, but he should have been better at looking at me without me seeing. But he was the first thought the door and I was the person he came face to face with as he entered, something he did not expect somehow. The other man, who was younger and more sure of himself, had more control over his reactions.
Most people when stared at, cannot help but look back at some point – curiosity gets the better of most of us. It is only those trained to ignore such reactions who can stop themselves in any situation. Think of the Buckingham Palace guards who are so well trained so as not to even make a crack in their face, showing absolutely no emotion. Their face becomes a mask. The younger man was able to resist in this same manner.
I said after they left who I thought they were, my co-worker just nodded. I don’t believe he saw exactly what I saw, but he understood they were not who they were pretending to be. As I spoke of earlier, there was just this very calm settling inside which told me I was right as I watched them move around in the store and leave after their purchase. It was not until about 15 minutes later when I was on my own, I began to feel the nervous anticipation of what it meant for them to make themselves so obviously known to me. Many will not understand what I am implying here, but I was given a message yesterday and it has left me with a calm excitement.
I checked on the company which they charged their purchase to, confirming my suspicions. It is a company in name only, visible, but just a shell allowing them to move where they need to go without question. At least to most, they would be above suspicion. However when you grow up with certain knowledge and experiences about secret worlds, you see beyond the veil. They wanted me to know they are here, they are watching. Is for my protection? Or to frighten me? I believe I know the answer and am quit calm and centred