July 10, 2023
The day began with a bit of a surprise as the old window I was preparing to paint yesterday fell over, 2 panes of glass shattering – seemingly symbolic of my shattered spirit which Grama Grizzly explained I had when we met. There was a nice breeze, not strong enough to blow the heavy frame over in my mind though, especially since it was outside the previous day with much stronger winds blowing and then all night. So it fell during the calmest part of the day, shortly after I got up. Of course it is the angle as much as anything which would cause it to fall from a gust of wind, even a small one. It struck me how only 2 panes broke acknowledging I had only completed painting images on the privacy film for 2 panels so far. My thoughts were more of frustration to begin with because now I am uncertain what to do with the whole idea which inspired the purchase of the window. There is a thought in the back of my mind that the window was needed in order to have the warning crash, therefore nothing to do with the inspiring thought of turning it into a piece of art. The domino affect of one decision leading to another in order to arrive where I’m supposed to be for the next lesson, knowing each lesson leads to growth of spirit. Seeing it this way helps me understand it is not that the window fell, but rather the message which has importance – I could not have one without the other.
Then I began to think about what broken glass means; is it the same as a broken mirror in the “old wives tales”? This thought process brought to mind the day my daughter was born, the kitchen ceiling light which for no apparent reason fell and smashed on the floor while I was getting ready to go to the hospital. It happened as I was passing through the kitchen back to my bedroom to get my suitcase ready. The birth was difficult and within 24 hours Rheann was in intensive care with spinal meningitis, something I had never even heard of. Back then there was no wifi, no google or cell phones to look up what she had, so I stood in the hospital hallway using the pay phone to call her father after a sleepless night so he could look the illness up in the dictionary.
I remember laying in bed after she was born, thinking about the light that fell, the timing of it and the unsettled feeling, as though the crash was an omen, a warning. During those seconds as I stood in the kitchen looking at the mess which would have to be left for Helen to clean up I could not help but wonder. Although I was distracted by the labour pains, there was this alarm bell going off in the back of my mind. The story is written in detail for my book “Finding Home”, so there is no need to rewrite that difficult day, but looking back, it was most certainly the end of an era for me.
What my daughter went through changed my life in a way never expected, leading me away from the man I married (her father) and the family that raised me, one step at a time. The first crack to the door of the room holding my beautiful and terrifying memories had been triggered by my need to love her more than I thought possible up to this point. I love all my children, make no mistake, however Rheann needed what was buried in the far reaches of my heart left untouched since my father died and I was brought to Canada. Without realizing it, this situation also triggered my empathic healing abilities, although it would be many years before this would be understood. The importance of her near death as an infant, her sexual abuse as a 3 year old which has been her path in this life was what brought me back to myself. Her pain opened the door to my pain – we began our long road to recovery together. The similarity of our paths has never been lost on me, yet I do wonder if she will be able one day to also see her journey the way I am now seeing mine.
This mornings incident is an eerie reminder however, and although at least one of the options in the meanings I found below is positive and uplifting, I am also reminded of the warnings received not long ago when I found out where I’d be moving to. So which way will it go?
July 14, 2023
The days are passing since the glass broke with no incident to suggest there will be a problem. Triggers are funny things, sneaking up on us when we least expect it, causing us to fall, sometimes just a little bit. Hearing the glass break was a trigger. But as we were once told by the therapist at the children’s hospital who helped us deal with Rheanns sexual abuse as a young child, it’s not that you fall off the track, but how quickly you can get back on which is important. As I continue to use rather intensive sound healing these past weeks, there is this wonderful realization about how it is helping me to become calmer, less worried about the “what if’s”. Also there has been a small amount of weight loss, just the extra cushion around my middle, the loss making me feel lighter with each step. This has inspired seeing the connection between the extra weight carried since coming back to Canada being related to holding onto the fear associated with living here and all the trauma associated with being brought here as a child. Memories are stored in our bodies, good or bad. The question is, how do we regain those memories physically retained, if at all? Mine were given to me in the form of dreams and visions, a seemingly more gentle way to be guided back to my past.
No matter how I have changed my diet or how much I exercise, my ability to walk lighter could not be accomplished. Using sound to clear blockages, especially in the solar and base chakras, has released my body’s need to hold onto the fear which in turn has caused weight gain. While in Ecuador, the process of releasing certain traumatic memories, looking back now with this new perspective, allowed me to lose the extra weight I had been carrying from the 2 years before leaving Canada. At the time, I just did not see the connection. By the time I arrived back in this country, I was back to my normal comfortable weight, however over the past 3 years, the pounds have slowly returned making me feel heavy and sluggish, always tired. The sound therapy recently found me, and now I understand why. Prayers are always answered, maybe not the way we want them to be, but still we are given the resources to find our way through the maze of our troubles when we ask.
This, in turn, helped me realize the 13 pound tumor which I carried in my body for several years was indeed the result of blockages which then formed the large growth on my ovary. When the mass was removed from my body the year we moved to Maple Creek, I felt sincerely as though I had been relieved of something evil. The doctor showed me the picture she took of it (because she had not seen anything like it and was amazed), something I have described as looking like an alien egg. For me it was dark energy, something I had wished to have not seen. The relief however was amazing and I vowed to never allow something like that to ever grow in my body again. The long scar on my belly is my reminder to be vigilant – the sound therapy has been my go to for years now, helping me to move away from anything and anyone who attempts to pull me back to my former fearful self – in other words keep me in the “victim role”.
While it was very tiring at first, there is noticeable improvement as the days pass, so I encourage anyone struggling to be free of the shackles which bind them, to try sound therapy, because it has become my opinion much of our health issues are caused from fear, insecurity and a lack of self love. Because I was taught to hate who I am, my heritage, self love has been difficult to attain. Also because I was taught to love one’s self is egotistical, it has taken many years to realize it is not the same thing at all. To love oneself, is to love God, as we are the creation of his love. Ego is unrelated to love as it is associated with the mind, not the heart.
Unfortunately I tend to expect the worst, so the breaking glass felt ominous for the first days. Today I am leaning towards the fantastic opportunity idea. The possibility I am ready to break down barriers long ago put up to protect me seems so incredible, I don’t know what to make of it. How this could change the rest of my life is a bit overwhelming as I see myself living the unrestricted lifestyle as I was meant to. Fly free little hummingbird, fly free. This idea is growing on me, yet still a bit difficult to conceive of after so many years hidden behind my mummy bandages. But this was why I was encouraged by the Grandmothers to come out of the cocoon, to experience this side of life previously only dreamed of. Where to start……
Broken Glass Possible Meanings:
“…….Whatever the case may be, broken glass means that the old era you’ve been holding onto is officially over.
Glass is a unique material. It’s eternal and infinitely reusable. If you’re worried about closing one door, use this symbolism as a reminder that it’s not the end.
You can pick up the pieces of broken glass, melt them down, and create something new. There are plenty of exciting new cycles ahead of you, and the only way to transition into them is to let go of the old to move forward.
When you think of glass, what do you imagine? For most people, the first thing that comes to mind is its fragility. Glass is a resilient material, but it doesn’t take much to shatter it!Breaking glass could be a sign from the universe to be extra cautious of your surroundings and experiences. Something is coming your way, and it’s up to you to protect yourself. In other words, the meaning of glass breaking is a warning that something major is coming.
Again, this is an interpretation that can strike fear into you. That’s alright. There is no way to tell how serious this upcoming event will be. It could be relatively innocent or impactful enough to change your life forever.
One thing is certain: You can’t let your carelessness get in the way. Be vigilant and practice extreme caution in everything you do. Avoid danger and lean heavily on safe choices to ensure that you stay out of harm’s way.
Here’s a more positive meaning associated with breaking glass.
Breaking glass could be a call to fantastic opportunities headed in your direction. It can represent a burning fire inside your soul, ready to break down barriers and do something great!
Many people work so hard to accomplish their goals. While some aspirations are easy to fulfill, some can take years. You may even have significant hurdles to overcome, but you keep moving forward.
Some folks aren’t lucky enough to see that hard work pay off. But if you see broken glass, you might be one of the fortunate ones!
The shattered glass represents the barriers you’re about to break. Maybe you’ll burst into a new career, filling a role that pushes you into a new era of success. Or perhaps you’ll start a business that leads to more achievements than you ever thought possible.
It’s your time to shine, and those perceived barriers standing in your way are a thing of the past!”
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