This stone was lost at the Los Angela’s airport while going through security before boarding my plane to Bolivia. It was such a unique stone, one collected since coming back to Canada from Ecuador. I still miss it, there was comfort in holding it, even before the message was received deciding my journey to Bolivia. It was the little hummingbird encased inside the stone which encouraged me to buy it from Nirvana 101 in Medicine Hat. How could I not! But it was the message 3 years later, that changed my life in a way not expected.
The other day while waiting for the parade to begin, standing outside, the train went by blaring its horn thru town as it does 50 times a day or more. If you looked around, you would see I was probably the only one covering my ears in frustration of the mind altering deafening sound. This intrusive sound hurts me in a way that cannot be described. Not just the sound, but the vibration cause me great stress. With my headphones in, music playing and my hands covering all, while walking down the street, I imagine the muted sound (which is still painful for me) is what most people hear.
Smells are another difficult situation to deal with for me, my sensitivity far stronger than most can understand. While the majority of people today can wear so many toxic chemicals on their bodies 24/7 and not even be aware they smell, I am affected within the first few seconds of contact with them. Of course the worst case scenario is to go into anaphylactic shock, always a possibility, and something I cannot predict. But for the most part they affect my lungs, give me headaches, or a sore throat and give me sores in my nose and ears (which take days to heal). Literally it has taken me the full 2 years since moving into my present home, to get rid of the smell and the affects there after, of tide laundry soap in the washing machine.
It occurred to me this morning how this description can help others understand what I’m saying when I tell them them I’m a highly sensitive empath.
We are all empathic, it is just to what degree and to what we are most sensitive to which defines us. So if you think about what you are most sensitive to, what irritates you quickly without warning, then imagine dealing with that sensitivity 4 times an hour, 24/7 and you will begin to understand why I never want to see or hear another train for the rest of my life. I’ve become so triggered by the trains and chemical scents around me, fight or flight is instantaneous. While I’m sure no one has a clue when I do my laundry, other than the visible signs of it hanging on the line in my yard, if I do not close my windows the second my neighbour starts a load, the smell will be in my home for hours after. I can smell it the second the chemicals hit the water. It’s like walking into a wall for me – my life is literally in the hands of those who make these choices.
Unfortunately the triggers cause instantaneous anger and frustration as my body deals with the unwanted and unavoidable physical assault and trauma due to others choices. How beautiful a realization it is then to understand it is this very sensitivity which also gives me the visions, waking dreams and my creative ability. It is these exact sensitivities which allowed me to see the hummingbird escape from the stone while at the same time hear my fathers voice as he called me his little hummingbird. It is the exact reason I was able to not just watch my father and his men as they made their way through the jungle, walking to their final destination, but also feel the heaviness of his knowing this was the end, while we drove up the mountain road to La Higuera 56 years later.
It is the fact my choices to eliminate these products from my life are overpowered by those who have no understanding how their choices affect those like me and the residual vulnerability which causes the anger and frustration – my inability to protect myself from those who just don’t care. They should care though, because whether they realize it or not, they are affected by everything I am, without understanding it yet. May never know how many of their own and their family’s health problems they’ve caused by making these choices. How using these products simply desensitizes them making it impossible to connect the dots. The irony is they are paying for their own health issues, then paying even more to try and fix them. Once you understand this, you realize that is the definition of crazy! I’m the sane one. So, instead of seeing me as the problem child, start seeing me as what I am – the canary in the coal mine or the hummingbird trapped in her prison, voice silenced, yet still trying to warn you……
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