Conclusion;
The Adult…..the Room, Ecuador
April 22, 2020
She was calm, as she lay waiting for sleep to take her. What happened came so suddenly there was no time to even open her eyes. The image taking her completely by surprise. It was herself she was looking at, when she was only about 2 years old, before her experiences in the room. Smiling, then breaking into laughter this little girl walked forward, presumably towards someone known and loved. It was like seeing a short video on her phone, the laughter a beautiful sound. Her young self seemed to be glowing, bathed in golden light, her eyes sparkling with joy.
She realizes how beautiful this child is, and is captured by the wonder of being given such an amazing gift. It has been a very long time since seeing herself as a child, to her knowledge there are no photos of her at this age, but she feels as if this moment was captured. Perhaps it was the item given to the stranger by her father just before his death.
Her dragon dream seems to represent the beauty she had as a child being shown to her as an adult. Had she been left to grow up in the loving care of her surrogate parents, would she have been the woman she sees on the hill about to rescue her dragon? Can she still find that beauty in herself despite all she has been through? She feels a deep sense of loss as she accepts the reality of what was taken at such a young age. Her path has led her back to the possibility of becoming her true self. Her time in this room in Ecuador symbolizing a circle completed.
Until now she did not realize it was this image of herself which had caused her so much fear. Seeing who she was, and looking at the shadow of this person she became for so many years was the source of so much trepidation. Accepting herself as she was born to be, is the reason for this journey. She has found home, she has found herself……
The Dragon dream
In my late thirties I began to have some amazing dreams. Some of them were messages and some were more than dreams, they were visions. I kept diaries because I felt one day they might tell me more about myself and help me understand why I am the way I am…the way I was.
The most powerful dreams or visions stayed with me for a long time, but even they slowly fade with the introduction of more dreams and more situations that led me away from the past. This is the way life is. Thus the invaluable gift of having a dream journal to review.
On this night I had a vision-like dream that was most amazing, one of the special ones that have stayed with me all these years. It was like a fairy tale which inspired me and gave me great hope. Although it conveyed a message I felt was powerful at the time, I now see carried a much deeper meaning not clear to me back then. I imagine it is a story I would have enjoyed as a child with good triumphing over evil, and the beautiful fairy maiden rising up with love.
In the dream I was standing on a hill rolling into the forest below. There was a stream running through the trees. It was a beautiful quiet place. In this dream I was immensely confident in my person, not as I am in life, yet somehow I still understood it was me.
If this was a fairy tale, and it very well could be, then I was the one who possessed magical power, like a powerful Sorceress, almost angelic. My hair was long and blonde much like it was as a child. I was wearing a long white flowing dress that rippled in the gentle breeze. I stood there waiting, calm and centered, but there was also concern as I anticipated the return of my special ally.
The Dragon was my friend and as I saw him enter the clearing by the stream I remained perfectly still. I knew I must wait to see if anyone or anything followed. This was difficult because I could see he was injured and the wound could be fatal, but still I knew I must wait.
Only moments later the dark wizard arrived with his servant, moving directly towards the dragon. My presence was shielded from their gaze, allowing me to watch and prepare for the absolute moment to intervene. The wizard stood above the dragon, staff in hand, while his servant—a soldier—stood back observing the process about to unfold. Sword in hand he waited for his master to move.
The dark wizard leaned over the helpless dragon, pushing back the hood hiding his head. The face I saw was not human but more a bird or lizard. He had a mouth that seemed like a beak. This beak was sharp enough to pierce the skin of the dragon, which is what he did, absorbing the dragon’s magic power as he did so. I could see the rings of power flow up out of the dragon over the wizard. He then stood back and raised his staff, holding his left arm outstretched. Voicing an incantation he produced a small army as I silently watched. These men lined up on his side of the stream, facing the trees. Slowly they came into full power.
Now was the precise moment to act. I picked up a large boulder on the ground beside me and as if it were no more than a pebble, I hurled it towards the wizard intending to distract him. The rock became pure energy and when it struck the ground it threw both their beings backwards, bringing the army-building process to a halt.
When they looked up and saw who had thrown the energy ball, they cowered. At this moment I gave a signal and from the trees across the stream hundreds of men rose from hiding and began to move forward. The evil new soldiers were not yet fully conscious at this moment nor yet of real use to the wizard and his servant. Realizing they were outnumbered the servant turned and disappeared from where he came.
The dark wizard, realizing he had failed, understanding he could not fight and win, also fled. My men from the forest came across the stream and rather than killing the soldiers brought forth by the evil wizard, dropped their weapons and wrapped their arms around the dark soldiers, feeding them with love. I watched as the evil army slowly faded and then altogether disappeared.
At last we were free to help my dying dragon. Together we joined hands, forming a circle around the great beast and with the magical rings of power retrieved from the wizards men, sent all our love back into his being. As the magic seeped back into his body, his life force slowly returned. This is where the dream ended.
I am always moved by this story as it brings to mind love is the key and forgiveness the door to set us free. It feels entirely possible my father was represented by the dragon, giving his life for what he perceived to be a better world. Although the great magic he possessed was used by the wizard to create a new army with evil intent, I can bring back my father’s memory—with the help of many, sending the magic back into him where it belongs. I could do this only when I became strong enough to realize my power is my unrestrained love for him. We sustain each other that we may carry on this idea of a Camelot-like world. It is an idea I dearly cherish.
There is a new and interesting perspective in her thoughts this morning as she makes her coffee on her hot plate.
She feels often as the people here watch her seemingly do nothing all day, while they are in the midst of so much physical labor on the property, that they feel those of us from North America are lazy, do not know what real work is. That we know nothing of the hardships they face.
Without making claims on who knows what, because it really doesn’t matter now she has thought of this, she feels she has found another key to why she is here. At first is seems like a very small key, to an unimportant box. But then she thinks about her life experiences, which no one here is aware of, and in truth no one other than her ex husband has complete knowledge of, makes her see a bigger picture.
But we begin here, on this small piece of land in a country that is facing collapse due to the pandemic happening worldwide. The family working here are basically tearing up the majority of land, removing trees and bushes to have a more strategic property. One which provides a wider range of sustainable food, including vegetables which are part of their staple foods. They want to be prepared, never be caught off guard in a similar situation again. It is impressive to say the least, the amount of work they have been doing. One I didn’t really understand until it was explained yesterday.
This is what makes her think of the key. People, we call tourists, come from many places to see not just Ecuador, but many different countries. People from North America can easily be seen as prosperous, their pockets and bellies always full. The vast majority of those born here, or any poor country, will never see our shores, understand how we really live, how much poverty we also have. It must be impossible for them to understand the hardships many of us face daily. Those who do make it to Canada or the United States understand they are not the countries of greatness they dreamed of finding. She has spoken to immigrants who were not shy sharing opinions of their experiences, the lies and deception faced upon arrival.
Life is difficult everywhere, it is our perspective which changes our circumstances. Our perspective changes with our experiences. But we make judgments without the experience to back them up, this is human nature. The grass is always greener……
She has lived in two rather different worlds now, experienced poverty in both of those worlds, her perspective is different than most. This is the key. This is another way her story can help, not just those who suffer with PTSD, but those who suffer period. For those here watching her everyday seeming to do nothing, reading her story should give them a different perspective on how she has been spending her time. Her work has been internal, but they will understand the difficulty of her story as it is also their difficulty. They share much more than they realize, because they have not yet seen her world, do not know her story. She has been in their world, she knows now how much they are alike.
She has experienced what would be considered the life of the wealthy in Argentina , but also the devastation of the camps, the horrors still haunting her. She experienced the comfortable life of the rich in Canada growing up, but in her adult life she rejected that life – it was a false life. In her marriage she went from a comfortable (not rich) life to that of a homeless poverty stricken person during her second marriage. Here in Ecuador she faces homelessness, and with it the possibility of death, with no options left to her. The knowledge she carries from her life is from experiencing different worlds and understanding more than she has ever been given credit for.
About the Author;
Gabriel is currently living in Maple Creek, Saskatchewan as she continues to search for the truth about her past. Her great companion Señorita Mali no longer by her side, she continues alone on her quest to unveil the truth of her past.
She hopes to find herself traveling to Bolivia and Argentina in search of the relatives of those who died protecting her. While she has learned home truly is where the heart is, knowing you are loved, she still hopes to find that physical place she spent her first years calling “Home”.