Vision about Soldiers June 13, 2004
This was an interesting experience that happened to me this evening as I tried to meditate. Usually I have trouble stopping the chatter in my mind enough to have a proper meditation. On this occasion though I began to see images in my mind, which was almost like watching an old reel movie.
I began to see many soldiers holding guns. I don’t remember everything I saw because it took me by surprise and moved so quickly. Also, I could not tell where this took place, but it was on foreign soil, reminding me of Latin America although I can’t be more specific, and there was a lot of tension in the room with these men.
It was dark and hot, no lights, no windows. There was a woman in the room on her knees in front of one of the soldiers, forced to perform oral sex. At one point she looked back with an expression of great sadness and sorrow. At the time I felt she was looking at her husband who was also forced to watch. Or was she looking at me? Did she know I was there?
Was I there to witness her vulnerability in this situation? Was this one of my memories? She was dirty, her dress torn and messy. She turned back to face the man in front of her. There were other soldiers pacing back and forth and one of them kept going behind her blocking my view. Then I started to see other things, which at first came as blurred images.
Suddenly a woman’s face became clear. She was 40-45, had olive coloured skin and short dark wavy hair. Her features were fine and she was very pretty, in a sophisticated way – elegant and quite sure of herself. I don’t know who she was. I did not recognize her so I am unsure why she came to me as such a strong presence. That was when I opened my eyes not wanting to see anymore. I am not sure why I saw these things or what they meant to me, but I was very upset at seeing them.
I wondered at the connection between the last woman whose image came to me and the first woman in the captive situation. At the time I had no idea who they were, although I suspected the captive was my surrogate mother forced to perform this act while she was in the camp. The other woman I now suspect was my
surrogate grandmother who would have been responsible for bringing me to her for safekeeping when I was a baby.
Despite their best efforts to protect me, how could they have known the inevitability of these events? We cannot escape the path we are destined to take and although we try to prevent it, the truth leaks out whether we can accept its reality or not. Although it has been very difficult to go back and face these memories, I am grateful for the truth, this is how healing begins.
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