My Mom dream April 14, 2000
This was such an amazing dream to have about my birth mother. I wish I had written more of the details of the dream at the time, but after all these years I can still recall the incredible strength of the connection I felt when I awoke. While it will likely always be difficult to accept so many discrepancies in my past, it is deeply comforting to look back and see the messages were so persistent in surfacing.
Although I do not know where this dream took place, I understood I was at the house of the woman who gave birth to me, my true mother. This was not the same woman I grew up believing was my mother.
In the dream I was looking through a photo album or scrap book and came across a picture of my mother when she was younger, perhaps in her late twenties or early thirties. The photo was a close-up of just her face, I could see it very clearly. There was someone in the room talking to me who I’m sure were her other children, a woman and a man. They were agreeing there was a strong resemblance between my mother and me. My mother had shoulder length brown hair, and she was very pretty. Her nose was smaller than mine and I saw gentleness in her face I felt I had as a younger girl. Did I bear some resemblance to her? I wondered as I looked at her face, hoping there was something of her in me.
There were two other pictures in particular that drew my attention. One was of her wedding day and the other taken when she was older, perhaps in her thirties. She was wearing a very stylish hat from the late 50s or early 60s. She seemed very familiar to me and I removed the photo from the book to look at the name written on the back. I cannot recall the name I saw no matter how hard I have tried. Some other pictures fell out from the book when I removed it. These were all of her wedding day and seeing them gave me quite a shock. At the time I thought these were my parents, but I was wrong, it had been just an assumption because of the situation I was in. It was my mother yes, but not my father.
There was one other picture which really resonated—I began to cry when I saw it—it seemed to tell a story of her love for my father. The image was of a bench or outdoor love seat beside a stream or creek that ran through her property. There was no one sitting on it, just a blanket draped over the back as if two people had just left.
Somehow I understood the importance of this place to my parents, a place hidden from the world, their secret spot. Her children were telling me my mother was haunted, I think about the choices she felt forced to make in her life, especially regarding me in her later years although they did not understand the reasons at the time. It all made me very emotional.
I got the feeling she had died in recent years, but it had taken some time for them to locate me. Before she died she explained everything to them so they would understand the terms of her will, hopefully understanding what happened and why. They were very accepting of me in the dream and also quite accommodating, showing me around and helping me understand her life. The property where we were had been sold and they wanted me to see it before the new owners made any changes. I was touched by their commitment to give me the peace that comes from understanding.
This is all I could remember of the dream. I lay awake wondering about this information, wishing I could better understand. It’s very hard to accept what I was being told. How could this woman possibly be my mother? Considering for a moment this is true, then the secrecy and lies, the culture introduced through the family that raised me, the desire to hide me; all these things made more sense based on this new information.
There is a resonance with this information I could not argue against. Also, I could now understand why it would have been unacceptable for her to raise me as her own. The society she was born to would never tolerate the wide ranging implications from this kind of indiscretion.
**Since having this dream, I see that my daughter looks very much like my mother, more so I think, than me.
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