Freedom

Written July 31st and August 1st

We have to want freedom enough to give up everything we believe gives us freedom. I believe true freedom lives in the same space as joy, love and happiness. Think about it. When you feel love, joy or happiness, there is no fear, you believe anything is possible. When you are angry, sad or afraid, you feel trapped, unable to make the required changes. A therapist once told Patrick and I (when we needed advice and help with my daughters abuse, suffered at the hands of her father and adopted grandfather) – how you got off track is not important – how quickly you get back on track is what is important. Although I understood then what she was saying, this makes so much more sense to me now. As a child I was too overwhelmed by the trauma, locking all the beauty of my life into the same closet as the horrific moments. This was how I found safety at the time. Now the safety comes from releasing, at least in part, the dark and the light of my past from that locked room. When I fall these days, I have beautiful memories which pull me out of the sadness. There is no person, place or object which can replace the memories allowing me to feel the joy once more at this time. You see if your own happiness can be dependent on you alone, then you can be anywhere, in any situation at any time and feel joy, love and happiness. This is freedom. If you rely on someone else, a certain place, object or routine to keep you in good spirits, you will never be free. Any or all of those things can change in an instant and as we have discovered over the last few years, we can find ourselves alone, without the comforts of our making, which we have also learned can and will be used against us. So……..We must be willing to give up everything we believe gives us freedom in order to be free…….

Before the memories of my birth parents, in particular my father, the sadness was just a big black hole which could not be explained. It was so easy to get lost in there for long periods of time. Knowing the truth was how I found my way home. Home was there all along, it was just locked in a prison of my own making due to the pain and sorrow of so much loss. The pain and the joy were intertwined, the understanding of this was how I began to accept the depth of my story. It was how I healed my broken heart and this is where I found my freedom to choose the life I want. Baby steps. It was not a simple or easy process, but I am here now because I was loved so completely by my father and because he insisted on me remembering. There is no greater gift and love is forever……love is freedom!

It’s time to talk about my robin friend.  This story has been building for awhile now, but mostly because I have been so tired, there has not been enough energy making it hard to focus and tie it all together. Over the last few months the repeated lesson learned has been – If we let “Spirit” guide us through troubled waters rather than trying to steer the boat in the direction we feel is best for us, we come to the destination we wanted or perhaps needed all along. What we need on our journey as we all find out, is not necessarily what we hoped for or wanted, but this is how it works if we are to move forward. 

Robin Meaning and Messages

In this case, Robin symbolism signifies the stimulation of new growth and renewal in many areas of life. Thus Robin’s meaning teaches that you can make changes with joy, laughter, and a song in your heart. Similar to the Goldfinch, this spirit animal shows you how to ride the winds of passion within your heart. You will become independent and self-reliant through this change. The energy of this bird will teach you how to move forward with grace, tenacity, perseverance, and assertion.

In other words, Robin symbolism insists that you let go of personal dramas. Especially the things that no longer serve your higher purpose. Furthermore, Robin’s meaning compels you to exercise compassion and patience in mental, spiritual, and emotional areas. Thus, this creature will teach you how to incorporate new beginnings with faith and trust in the process. It is time to believe in yourself and use the inspiration that you receive. Listen carefully. It is time to sing your song for a new period in your life.

For the last few months I have had so many close encounters with a robin both at my home and at work. I know robins are sort of a bird one expects to be able to visit with regularly here, but both birds seemed to be doing more than usual to get my attention, like flying inches above my head when I came home and landing in front of me, as if welcoming me back.  It would also walk me out of my yard as I went to work then land on a post or the garbage cans to watch me go. This fellow kept doing this until I decided to look up the spirit meaning of robins. Part of what I found is given above, the other part is just below this paragraph. It is this next part which surprised me and helped me understand the significance of its visits and close interactions. 

When a Robin visits you outdoors, such as by landing near you on a walk, it means good luck is coming your way. The more often it happens, the greater the serendipity. Sometimes the same Robin represents a loved one who has recently passed over, telling you all is fine and there is nothing about which to worry. Your loved one is watching over you and wants to see you happy.

When a Robin Spirit Animal visits you, one of your ancestors may try to get in touch. Be it a recently departed person or someone further back in your family tree, there is something happening directly affecting your inner circle. Pay attention to signs, omens, and dreams and listen to Robin’s song for clarification on their meaning.

When life gets busy, it’s easy to forget the power of gratitude. Remembering is another lesson from your Robin Spirit Animal. Be thankful for even the smallest of blessings in your life. Inevitably your wonder of the world grows along with a personal sense of contentment.

The other day while at work, just I was closing the store actually, I looked up from what I was putting away to find my robin in the store, a bit panicky as it tried to find its way out. First it went to the big window banging its beak on the glass, then against my advice went to the back of the store landing on the tallest display of games. The owner came into the store at this moment, so I explained the problem. Having had some bad experiences in the store at the beginning of its opening, he was of course concerned. Me, I just turned around and told the bird he had to come this way to get out, which it did landing on the top door hinge. Then I said you just have to go down a bit to fly out, and off it went, my heart so full of joy in that moment. My boss says you talk to birds?  Of course, I laughed, I talk to everything! Such a beautiful feeling as I walked the short distance home pondering the message from my spirit friend who I have come to feel is my father. 

From the beginning this bird, especially the one around my home, has brought to mind “The Awakening”, the most valued and important dream from my past. This dream represents the gateway back to my life with my birth parents and all those who participated in my first years of life – the most glorious of days for me. In The Awakening, I was in the process of rescuing a robin under a bush when I was stabbed in the heart. The man who stabbed me, my fathers spirit. The purpose of this experience, to open my heart to the memory of my father, which then led to everything else. This robin in my life today has made such an impression, I had to paint one, feel the experience of building its presence in my home in this healing way. This exercise, I feel, has brought me closer to the Spirit of the bird, my father. 

Yesterday as I walked home after closing the store, my attention was brought to a single feather on the ground in front of the store. First I had walked down to the main store to pay for some things I wanted, then on my return the feather, which was not there when I locked the door, was discovered. This small seemingly insignificant find made me wonder about the couple I met a just before closing. They were visiting from Quebec, and me being who I am, I asked them about their trip and where they were headed. We talked about language which led me to mention Ecuador and the time I was there. The man had also been to Ecuador – near the coast. The next thing I knew, for the first time in quite awhile, I explained who my father was and shared a few stories with them. It was this interaction which taught me something kinda neat, something uniquely confirmed in my mind by a quote read this morning. 

“There are some people who could hear you speak a thousand words and still not understand you. 

And there are others who will understand – without you even speaking a word”.         Jasmin Mogahed

This quote made me think about the couple I met because while I spoke he looked into my eyes, concentrating and patiently listening to everything I said. They both did actually, but his gaze reminded me of an owls, the intensity surprising me. Most people listen without actually hearing the words in my experience. So this morning it occurred to me most of us listen only with our ears – at least most of the time, but sometimes we listen with our eyes as well as our ears. This is really cool actually. To accept this, one must first remember any conversation with someone who seemed to see into your heart. Somehow finding the feather suggested this chance meeting meant more than I understand in this moment. Isn’t that the way life is though?  The simplest of moments can turn out to be life changing, something we lose track of because of their ordinariness. 

Last night was the greatest gift yet however, the perfect end to this particularly perfect week I feel!  Because I have been (up until one week ago today) working  3 jobs, sometimes 2 jobs a day, so 11 hours a day, there was realization I must make every effort to look after myself. This meant a small exercise program, morning and evening prayers, simple, but nutritious food, and a concentrated effort to clear all the collected negative energies in my body which have accumulated since coming back to Canada. Something we don’t really think about maybe, is how those energies gather in our solar plexus and our heart chakras (in particular for me anyway). This became my mission throughout all the significant changes in my working life during the last 4 months. Seeing the connectedness has changed my outlook on life, which then has inspired wonderfully positive changes altogether. It is a package, a complete process to a more peaceful lifestyle. This process has (I believe) allowed last nights gift. 

This last week in particular, sensing 2 whole days off after such a hectic month, meant relaxing body, mind and spirit in anticipation. I was so tired by last night, my head hurt and I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep at all, so I watched a movie to get my thoughts out of my way. It was during this movie which involved a man rescuing his daughter from a traumatic and abusive situation, my father came to me. It was so sudden, he was just there sitting on a stool or bench his elbows resting on his thighs, feet spread apart and hands joined with laced fingers. His hair was long, no beret. He was just looking at me with that sideways grin of his, a look which pulled me into his space. When he looks at me there is peace in my mind, my heart, my body – everything just goes quiet. To suddenly see him was both familiar and surprising because in my adult life this has not happened to me, other than in the dreamtime. In my mind I heard him say, although his lips never moved, had he been able to, he would have rescued me, he would have been like this character in the movie not stopping until he had me safe in his arms. 

This message, he knew, was necessary for me to hear – an almost desperate need in me acknowledged now the words were spoken by him. To know assuredly he would not have let me suffer the way I did if he could have stopped it allows room for peace and acceptance. Brought to mind is the moment when the spider crawled onto my face as I screamed for my papa, who at the time could not help me. As such a young child there was no way for me to justify why I was going through the torture – There was no mistaking however, I was now alone in this new life of darkness. 

The waking vision provided a surreal stillness inside my body meaning my soul was accepting this truth. Even today a full 24 hours later, there is complete calmness as the memory of seeing him comes. I did not realize until I heard it, how much I needed to know this, hear it from him directly. I was not abandoned after all, his Spirit is with me still……

It seems to me there is significance regarding the robins presence of late marking a point of important change in my life. The road is not clear for me at this time, however much has been accomplished with such simple changes in perspective. Truthfully, the road ahead is not clear for anyone right now, maybe that is the point – accept this moment is gone when the next moment arrives. One can’t go back, only forward, so change is imminent. 

The robin has brought with it the importance of remembering the past while accepting the present. Be happy in the moment, cherish the journey, the landscape changes daily, so look for and anticipate something wonderful around each corner.