Nei Li
(Inner Strength)
Of a strange voice buried deep in my head – release your pain
Lift your love instead, like a vice in your heart – sing words to feel alive
Heavy weights make you wait for an easy choice to arrive
You take a chance to feel alive
Resting hopes on fears, hoping to survive
Days…..nights spent living this world alive
First steps a falter, the second will show you you are
So take my hand, and I’ll show you – mistakes will take your fear of never knowing
Gotta make like a last chance, holding strong
Send hope to the spark in your heart
Ignite the change that sets two words apart
Take a chance, ‘cause today’s a brand new start
Always there is a reminder “Spirit” is walking with us, lending a gentle hand, never forcing the direction we should take, as we must make our own choices. For far too long, I made choices for someone else’s comfort rather than my own, which left only emptiness. As we were given a conscience and free will, we must decide what is best for our growth as a human being, otherwise we do not become our true self. Knowing and acting upon this is not the same thing and it does take courage to stand in your own power……..at first.
My son wrote this poem for me years ago, a gift for Mothers Day. Yesterday, as the guiding hand of “Spirit” once more made an appearance, this poem came back to me in the form of a greeting card I created honouring my son and his gift to me.
This morning I read the poem for the first time in many years, removing it from the dusty shelf of my memory to shine light on it once more. How astonishing, it is as appropriate today as it was then.
Have the courage to be yourself, no matter what others think. This is the message for me……does it have one for you?
I was told a few days ago, another country succumbed to the V. Passport. The country , I was told when I asked, was Argentina. My heart fell and although I tried very hard not to, I began to cry. My home, in this moment seemed lost now…..how can I ever get back? My response was so sudden and unexpected, I knew beyond doubt this was my birth place, and now I can never return, at least physically. Or so it seems.
I had to really fight to stop the tears, I was at work after all. And here this morning I am reading the last words my father said to his legitimate children and I am crying once more. I am not recognized as being his daughter in the real world, but I am my fathers daughter. I may never be able to return physically to my home, but I have found home in my heart, which is most important.
As the minutes passed after hearing the news and got myself under control once more, I heard his voice saying “don’t worry, the way will show itself”. What looks impossible today, will dissipate just as a mirage in the desert. We who choose to follow our heart, our truth, rather than accept someone else’s version of it, will overcome the tyranny. Death is not the end, it is a new beginning……
After the news, I began to make changes in my apartment, giving it a more permanent lived in comfort, I suppose in acceptance I am forced to stay in this country……for now. It was very difficult to feel rather than just know the choice I made to never get the injections, means no more travelling. No more prospects of getting back home, or even going back to see my friends in Ecuador. Or possibly no longer being able to sustain my own life, as having a job may prove impossible also.
Although I am quite nicely set up now, having all the comforts never thought to be gotten again, my heart is heavy. Knowing there is little chance to complete my journey, has made me angry, enough to want to vocalize my thoughts disregarding my natural tendencies to not insult others. But indeed the millions who fell into the trap of fear, have made this world impossible for any of us to life as free people.
So reading this poem at this time helps immensely, the distance I have travelled already from the shadow of my old life is extraordinary. At the time of receiving the poem I would never have conceived of my ability to stand in my own power. I could never have imagined what was hidden inside my own heart.
So this alone is enough to let go of the anger, face the future whatever it holds, and love my son all the more for reminding me I am someone worth loving. I have indeed been loved immensely!