It has been almost 2 weeks now since I took in a temporary room mate. Unfortunately, this arrangement did not work out due to this persons use of rather heavy chemically scented products. The first night he stayed here, I went into shock and was unsure if I would make it through the night. The next day while at work I explained to my boss what happened after he asked me how my day off was. Standing at the counter was a fellow employee who I have been having some rather uncomfortable situations with. She listened to my story, hearing what I said about going into into shock which was when she began to walk away. She later made a comment about making her own laundry soap simply because she was “cheap” – her words. This comment was made when once more I was explaining how some laundry soap scents can have the worst affect on me. So I know she understood how severe my issue was. The next day she was leaving on holidays for a week.
Yesterday, this employees first day back at work, and something happened which caused me a great deal of sadness, hurt leaving me with a strong sense of betrayal. Every time I went into the back office there was quite a strong scent, this person the only one in there at the time, so I knew it originated with her. Because it smelt a bit medicinal I mistakingly believed she was taking some strong lozenges or cough syrup. Nothing was mentioned, I did not ask because quite frankly I was not trying anymore to be personal. During the last few days she worked before her break she had become aggressive with me, literally pushing me out of the way at the till in front of customers. It took all I had to not walk out then. Because of the discomfort she caused those last days, I was keeping my distance from her, not giving her any opportunity to bully me.
Later in the afternoon yesterday, my boss came up to me in order to explain the smell coming from the office. I assume he only just found out because of the grave look on his face and the concern in his voice. He told me our co-worker had begun using a scentsy product which plugged into her computer. This person who listened to my story, who knew I could go into shock, plugged this product into her computer without saying anything. Over a year working with her and never once was she given to doing something like this. As my boss spoke everything just went quiet inside as the reality of what he was telling me hit home. This woman was intentionally trying to do me harm. I couldn’t say anything, just standing there as he asked me to be sure to let him know if it bothered me – he would ask her to stop using it. By closing time, the lemony scent had reached as far as the front door where I spend most of my day. Of course I knew this was going to be an issue, I’ve been here before and not so very long ago.
Around 2:00 this morning I woke up feeling like I was choking, the panic attack had begun while I slept. Knowing instantly the cause of this episode helped me to calm down sooner. The understanding as I did so, that I would not be able to stay working at the store anymore became a reality I’d hoped to avoid. Truthfully I had decided only Sunday afternoon that I would be able to handle her bullying, which felt empowering. Never expecting such cruelty, the realization early this morning as I calmed down, her act of malice was my gift. “Spirit” once more was showing me to adjust to a different solution as this one had become too dangerous. It’s time to move on, to trust all will be well, trust in “Spirit” and the guidance which has served me so well throughout my life. Listening to the inner voice, the decision which was being avoided due to uncertainty was now flashing brightly in front of my eyes. Trust! Believe!
As I explained to my friend today what happened, it once more struck me just how cruel this action was, an intentional and aggressive act against me. Had she come to me, or even to our boss to explain she was going to use this product, please let her know if it bothered me – this would have shown concern for my safety, consideration for all of us. But she did nothing like that, our boss found out because he asked about it after having to smell it most of the day working in the same office with her.
Sitting here today in the safety of my home on a day off I am filled with such sadness and disbelief, the desire to just give up completely far too strong. The actions of Patrick the last few years we had a friendship reminding me too much of this persons desire to hurt me in a similar way. So once more my life is about to change as I struggle to find enough work to make ends meet, as if that wasn’t already difficult enough. Tomorrow I will hand in my resignation knowing there is no possibility of resolving such differences. People like her just look for other ways to bully and intimidate if they are stopped from using one method. For me it ends here!
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