May 22, 2025
Last week a mother came into the store with her young daughter who was maybe a year and a half years old. She was talking and spoke to me several times, but the mother always felt the need to translate. I remember those days well and marvel at how we learn to decipher what others cannot understand when children begin to talk. It is the beautiful connection we have, one never truly appreciated until they are grown.
This was the first time this woman had been in my store, so I did not know them, just enjoyed conversation as I normally do with customers. It was a surprise to me when as the mother opened the door to leave she translated the words her daughter said to me – “I love you”! It felt like the mom was a little embarrassed at saying those words to a total stranger, but she did not hesitate to relay her daughters sentiment. As the door closed, a memory was left of this beautiful, unexpected moment in time. The full message of it not comprehended until this morning when I shared it with a friend.
Papa has always had a unique way of getting his messages across to me, this definitely bore his mark as he reminded me of my own true self – the part of me lost under the trauma and sorrow. A child’s heart is so open and big when raised with love, patience and kindness. Love comes naturally for us all, at least I want to believe this about humanity, it is just life that can get in the way, which may prevent us holding onto this gift of expression.
This morning it made me cry to remember what I was shown in Ecuador during lockdown about my child self. Surrounded by light and filled with joy, my beautiful self was giggling and running towards someone’s open arms, although I could not see whose. Papa called me his little hummingbird, something until today was believed to be said because of the golden flecks in my hair. This morning remembering this image of myself as a child gave a new perspective – one where it was all the love, joy and light in my heart which papa saw inspiring his comment. Such a moment in time given to me during a very difficult time of complete isolation, helping me realize now, the truth of what was lost, when I was captured and tortured. The light, love and joy smothered underneath the trauma for all these years. It is my hope this is about to change.
Excerpt from April 22, 2020 Ecuador
…….Actually, as I began to write the memory of something special which did happen to me last night arrived to the foreground of my thoughts. I have been trying to remember what I was doing at the time it happened, but it eludes me. It came so suddenly, completely capturing me, filling my soul. What I saw as clearly as if I was holding the photograph in my hands, was me at the age of about 2 or 2 1/2 years old. This was before the trauma began, obvious by the beautiful smiling face I was looking at. There seemed to be a golden light around my face, which made my hair look golden as well. My eyes were sparkling with joy and I could hear the laughter I was sure was happening at the time of the photo.
This is the first memory given to me of myself at this age in many years. Never have I seen myself represented with such joy and happiness before. As I’m writing this now, as I was in the days following the gift, I am surprised at the lack of tears at the time. The image just seemed to slide into place silently without much fanfare…….
That afternoon the following was experienced which at the time wasn’t connected to the image of myself as a child. It is only now there is understanding for the reason those two moments happened so close together. It would be another year before the grandmothers gave me the vision of the hummingbird spirit carried within me and another two years for the vision of my father calling me his little hummingbird. Today, as the visions are all brought together, the full impact of the messages is felt and I cry at the understanding. This was papas way of telling me I am beautiful. I was his little hummingbird!
From my journal that day:
I sat on the step watching the end of the day, not yet quite dark, so the hummingbirds are still active and feeding at the flowers of the bush in front of my door. It is pretty great having this front row seat to the hummingbird show . I was just about to get up and go in for the night, but changed my mind, deciding to watch the hummingbird which just came in to feed. A second later, it left the flower it was feeding on and flew towards me. It hovered right in front of my face, less than an arms length away, making its little clicking noises as it did. How amazing to see this tiny messenger of joy and light dance in front of my eyes this way. I know it is a precious gift!
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