Part 5;
Surrogate Grandparents
The Adult……Ecuador
She is writing this dream because of the medallion picked up in the dream. This gained significance many years later. Today as she enters the dream into the manuscript she understands the meaning in a way she could not at the time of having it. An indication of how our memories find their way to the surface even when we think they are safely locked away.
This dream was quite violent and at the time caused her great anxiety, a connection was forged during a spiritual reading by her friend in 2017.
Journal Entries
March 5, 1995
Medallion
I don’t know where this dream took place because most of the beginning of the dream was lost. Patrick, the children and I were in our car. We understood we were in danger but I don’t know why. Perhaps it had more to do with where we were placed geographically.
I made a choice, made on my own I’m not sure why. But I got out of the car and hoped that Patrick and the children could get somewhere safe. I have no idea what I thought I would accomplish by going out on my own, but it was a flash decision and I couldn’t go back now.
What happened to my family was not clear and I couldn’t find out. As I headed for the public building close to where we had stopped they opened fire. I was shot a couple of times but managed somehow to get inside the building and down the hall to safety. They did not follow, perhaps because they thought I would die from my wounds, or perhaps because they were looking for my family.
Patrick found me sometime later in a hospital. I was very cold, lying on a gurney with a blanket over me. Pulling back the blanket he saw so much blood, but I was still alive.
The dream continued as if further down the road. In this scene I had to change my appearance and my identity and pretend I had died. I guess it was me they had been after all along. The dream became quite strange after that.
I was very concerned about being found out and so was always nervous about going anywhere. The strange part was when I found myself walking up this hill going door-to- door, collecting items from each house. It was spring and I could smell the grass and feel the warmth in the air along with all the associated sounds, sights, and smells of the season.
Unfortunately, I can’t remember all the objects I collected. It seems they would somehow tell me the reason I was hiding and help me understand why I would risk looking for them in the first place. The only object I can remember was a type of medallion with a ruby inset. It is only of late I see a connection to this medallion.
If I think about the connection to the medallion and the significance it had to the woman who wore it, this dream does make sense. The woman with the ruby necklace she so prized was my surrogate Grandmother, charged with my safe keeping when I was handed to her as a baby by my parents. I have felt for a very long time now there would be some items saved for me, telling me the story of my legacy which is what this dream seems to indicate.
I often wonder what would have happened to me had I not been so well protected by these people. Based on several of the dreams, I am led to believe my life would have ended, my presence posing a threat to a complex political situation I knew nothing about. Nor did I care to know. Perhaps my indifference is one of the things which allowed me to remain alive, it is difficult for me to know for sure. I am left again to assume my conclusions on this point.
August 9, 2008
Dream About My Grandfather
Once again I am wondering if this man is from the spirit drawing I received last year from a healer named Shirley. I was told this couple she had drawn during the reading were connected to me, but not by blood. This was the message she received as she sketched their image.
Although I do not have his name I am always aware of the positive energy between us. I know this man. Whomever he was, he cared for me, loved me. I feel a sense of loss knowing I did not have enough time to be with him.
In this dream I was attending a funeral. It seemed the person who died was someone who didn’t like me (my children’s grandmother perhaps?). I was struggling to remember who the funeral was for when I woke up not knowing if that was really what was important. I know I went because my children wanted me to be there.
I believe they were all there, and though I felt his presence I don’t recall seeing Josh. Lucas was standing beside me, Patrick was behind, and Colby was in front talking to me. He seemed genuinely happy to see me and was talking excitedly. Rheann approached us and I remember being so glad to see her. I had not been able to find her when I looked around earlier which made me wonder if she was able to make it. But there she stood smiling at me.
It was then I noticed the man beside her. Everything else just seemed to stop and he was all I saw. Somehow I knew him, so familiar, and as this recognition hit me I made kind of a weird face which made everyone stop and stare. They were wondering if I was alright; everyone but Rheann, who stood there calmly with this smile on her face, because she knew who he was, that he was important to me.
Standing hat in hand, dressed in the fashion of the 50s or 60s, he told me he was from my past, the part of my childhood before I came to Canada. This man was the reason the children wanted me to come to the funeral.
When I awoke I was emotional remembering but not being able to identify this man. It was so good to see him and I wondered at the children understanding who he was and the importance of my meeting him. Do they know something of my past now and want to share it with me? Are they beginning to see the truth? There are no outward signs this is so, but this dream gave me hope that one day there will be understanding…and forgiveness to follow.
The Adult……the Room, Ecuador
Another panic attack, but this time although there is dizziness associated with it, the feeling of falling into the abyss is no longer present. Wide awake, breathing in and out, holding her breath, then again, in and out. The pattern helping her to let go of the fear and become calm.
She is wide awake as the vision begins. She is with her father, or more correctly she is present at the scene of her fathers final hours, watching the scene play out as if it were a movie. She realizes Spirit is showing her a moment in time which no one other than the woman he is speaking with knows about. She is the school teacher from the article she read last year describing her experience. He befriended her in order to give her something. “It’s for my daughter” he explains. “One day she will come here looking for answers”. What he gave her was small, maybe a piece of paper or small object, she couldn’t see it clearly. In her mind she kept hearing “the watch” and suddenly remembered the pocket watch from her dream so long ago. The watch was being kept for her by someone, was it this woman?
She came out of the trance quite literally with a jolt back. Realizing her breath was almost non existent. This made her begin to panic again, it was difficult to regulate her breathing, take slow rhythmic breaths rather than gulping for air. As she finds the rhythm, she hears “write the book, you have the time, just write the book”.
Falling back to sleep she dreams of the woman from her vision. “He said you would come, he said I would know you by your beautiful hair which sparkles in the light. He said I would know who you were when I saw you. The watch is gone; they came to take it realizing he must have passed it to me during those few minutes we spoke. But they didn’t know about this. “ As she was about to pass the item to me, something kept safe all these years, it all began to fade away. I couldn’t see what she held in her hands, but the knowledge this was something he carried with him always, made me appreciate my intuition – there was proof of who I am.
She woke up with the clear understanding of where her journey would take her. Finding this woman whom my father entrusted with this precious gift, vital information as she continues her journey.
“Just write your story”, echoes in her mind as she begins her day. Walking around the property on this morning her thoughts are interrupted by the arrival of a visitor. This unexpected guest has brought her a charging cable for her phone and iPad. It has been three weeks of communication blackout, something she was almost beginning to appreciate. Yet how extraordinary this cable would come on the very day she received the message to write her book.
As she watches the battery come back to life on her device, she can’t help but be amazed at what has occurred, how one day can change so much in her world. The importance of not giving up, but of letting go of expectation, still believing in the magic of her own fairytale. She sits and enjoys such beautiful moments of intense gratitude…..
Journal Entries
November 6, 2002
Dream About the Watch
When my adoptive sister, Terry, died I was told she had left me one of her rings. Although we had never been close, I felt this gesture of leaving me something was important. For as long as I could remember I believed Terry hated me, or at least resented my presence in the family, so this gift was completely unexpected.
I looked forward to receiving the ring because this meant an effort had been made towards reconciliation. Perhaps those last few hours we spent together inspired this offering. However, the family (Ellen in particular, as she felt I did not deserve to be given a personal item) decided I should not receive the ring, so I never did. This dream reminded me of that incident, once again having something meant to be mine given to an unintended recipient. There is a sense of missing time or being one step out of sync when something like this happens: theft without recourse.
There was a family reunion I attended with reluctance. At the beginning of the dream Duncan and Helen came up to me and were making every effort to convince me my childhood had been normal. There had been no secrets, no agenda to conceal information or hide the truth from me. But I kept at them, not believing what they were saying to me. I said I found out I had missed almost a year of school due to various surgeries and wanted that explained.
Helen kept saying she didn’t know what I was talking about. No matter how hard I pushed they would not give in, telling me nothing. The only thing I could get out of them was an explanation that made no sense to me which had to do with a watch left to me by my grandfather. Of course I never received this watch and was now even more confused.
The dream ended with me not feeling any clarity, but left wondering about this watch. It was a connection I did not have before, and when I awoke I felt like I knew this watch was real and I should have received it.
December 2017
Spirit Reading (by Shirley)
I had a reading done that was a little different from any other in the past. It was pretty cool actually, adding a new dimension to an old form by including art in the event. How could I not want to experience that? I met Shirley in Medicine Hat, Alberta a couple of years ago. She is a fellow artist, a genuinely kind and giving person.
Neither of us knew what to expect, so this was an interesting adventure in connecting dreams from many years back, an amazing experience!
My journey has given me a deeper understanding of the two people who often came to me in my dream time. During my early years they gave me so much love and I have grown to call them my surrogate grandparents, this man giving his life to protect me. Nothing really could have prepared me for this information, finally solidifying our connection in my life.
Shirley sketched this couple while describing the spirit message she received. This was as much a surprise for her as it was to me, never knowing what she will draw when doing the reading,
Information received:
- married couple: the image is from the 1930s during the time of prohibition
- he is in his late 30s or early 40s, distinguished, defiant. He believed in freedom
- the couple are very much in love
- they are well off
- they are living on the Canadian Prairies but he is from central or South America – she was from the Baltic Sea, a small country, fishing boats
- Romania was the country she may have been from, she was flamboyant, gypsy or bohemian like, very pretty, exotic looking
- they met while he was travelling
- he made his living buying and selling land
- he was a bit of a disturber, which cost him, going in and out of prison – his gold pocket watch was his most valued possession
- she held a lily (yellow day lily*) representing my money struggles are over, a thing of the past. Be open to all avenues of receiving and I’ll be provided for in every way
- she had a ruby necklace, the ruby representing passion, love, precious memories, this necklace was very special to her
- in the picture they are standing in the doorway of a traditional Canadian prairie hotel – the core message of the reading is Freedom to Be
- Tarot cards pulled for the reading:
- for my past the Seven of Earth: Seeds well planted. A temporary pause in action, unnecessary worry.
- for my present the Three of Fire: abundance, things look very good, have patience at this time, make long term plans.
- for my future, The Chariot: an important achievement, self discipline and will power. Public recognition.
The Book of Stones says about the ruby: “Your passion for someone you love is being rekindled and you will soon find yourself reflecting on all the blessings and precious memories derived from this beautiful relationship. You realize that bad times are easily forgotten, yet precious memories of love live forever. Love is an ocean which forever ebbs and flows; at times a raging sea, at times tranquil and calm…”
As I recall this reading I am now certain the love and passion being rekindled is actually for my father. I continue to breathe new life into my relationship with him, one that was very strong when I was a child.
It took some time for these revelations to sink in. I was concentrating so hard on what she was saying I could not really think about what it all meant. It was actually a few weeks later when I started going through my journals for this story when I began to see the importance of the role this couple played in my young life.
In my journals I mentioned a gypsy woman a few times who was instrumental in finding me a safe home as a baby. Now I have confirmation of this woman from another source. It was really a great feeling to link these two messages together and accept the reality of this couple who now occupy a treasured place in my heart.
Because I could not afford the cost of the painting Shirley drew, she suggested I try drawing them myself….the image follows this story. It is done with pencil crayons, something I have never tried before, but I am really happy with the result. Shirley also gave me her blessing for the picture I drew, saying it was a good representation of the couple she saw. Now if only I can find the hotel attached to that door behind them…
*The Angel Gabriel at times also holds a day lily.
January 12, 2003
Grandfather Shot
When I had this dream I was very confused because I could not figure out who the people were. After having the drawing made of the couple connected to my father, I begin to see perhaps these people were my surrogate grandparents and they were at one time in charge of helping to protect me. He died doing so.
There were three of us and we were in a very confined space, it felt like we were hiding. The man reminded me of Patrick, the woman reminded me of myself as an adult and there was another woman I did not know.
I know it was not Patrick or myself in this situation, but in times of stress there is comfort in identifying with those I am most familiar. This woman insisted on being in the middle, closest to the man. The space seemed to shrink even more and somewhere in my mind we had changed. There was now a man, woman and small child, long blonde hair tied in a ponytail. I kept waking up, but the dream continued each time I fell back to sleep.
The final time I entered the dream we were about to cross a border between two countries. I don’t know which countries because I did not describe the countryside in my journal at that time. I’m not sure why this was important but we realized we were going to have a problem because of the way we were dressed. We were wearing clothes from a different era – 1940s or 50s, a time made more distinct in that both men and women almost always wore hats. Everything was in sepia tone, which could also be an indication of the era. I did not see anything in colour.
Suddenly the man started running, he was being chased and shots were fired. I don’t know what happened to us, but I had the feeling this man had died, although I did not see if that was what happened. My ability to recall events was made more difficult by the number of times I re-entered the dream. That in itself tells me the message was important because it is unusual to fall back into the same dream so many times. This seems to be a safer way for me to allow some of the memories to filter back. However, not being able to remember salient details is perhaps my minds’ way of protecting me from that which I am still not ready to accept.
It’s hard at times not to feel in some way responsible for the many people that seem to have died to protect me.
October 7, 2007
Gypsy Woman Dream
This morning I had a dream that Patrick and I were in a place which did not seem familiar. I believe that we were in someone’s home, although it reminded me of a resort in a warm country. It was quite lovely, a very open, large space. There was much about the dream I could not remember because I didn’t take the time to write it until a few days after.
What I do remember most was the woman who approached me. I describe her as a gypsy, but I believe Bohemian would be a more suitable description. I did not think of this at the time.
As I wrote this a few days later I recalled the woman I dreamt about a few years ago, describing her as a gypsy woman as well. I’m certain she was the woman who took me as a baby to the couple in South America where I lived for almost two years. I believe this to be true because as I write the details of this dream, I am filled with similar feelings of peace, love and joy connected to the previous dream with her. There is just a strong sense of familiarity with this woman although I do not know how she is connected to me, or the couple she brought me to.
She came to me in this dream and wanted to take me to her place, which she said was not very far away. I could see it in my mind, this place she wanted to go. It was a small cabin near the woods kind of like you would read about in a fairy tale, the kind where the wicked witch would live. So at first I felt concerned I believe because Patrick did not want me to go with her.
Understanding our concerns and realizing she had put us in an uncomfortable position, she instead just walked closer to me. Before either of us could react, she hugged me, a gentle but firm hug. Of course I understood right away why she held me because through her touch I was being healed, all the pain and sorrow coming to the surface overwhelmed me. Had she not supported me I believe I would have collapsed. She had meant for the healing to happen at the cabin where it would have been more complete, but as it was, a great deal of the pain and sorrow had been released.
Waking up I could feel the intensity of what had happened and for the days that followed I did feel this healing was real. Because I could not remember all the details of the dream I am unsure of why I had been uncomfortable about going to the cabin.
Thinking about it now, I am reminded of the cabin I saw in my dream of April 14, 2000. This was a place where I felt my birth parents met when they could, so there was a great deal of emotion connected to it. I am also thinking it is not so much that anything bad happened there, but the fact it was connected with my parents. It has been the loss of them which has caused me so much grief and pain.
This woman did what she could not only to let me know how much I was loved, but also to take the hurt from me so I could move forward.