March 19, 2023
This morning I woke to the remnants of a dream where I received an unexpected gift. In this very vivid dream, I was in my apartment talking with a friend who was visiting, when I heard the doorbell. I was curiously nervous because I don’t normally get surprise visitors at my home, so was uncertain as I went to answer the door. When I got there, the person who rang the bell was gone, leaving behind a small box with a single pink rose in a vase at my door. This is also quite extraordinary as I never receive flowers from anyone. In my past experiences, receiving flowers from my husband meant he was guilty of being unfaithful, so the flowers became a symbol of deceit for me, not one of love.
I brought the small package back to my kitchen, staring at the card attached as if it was going to be bad news. I find it strange that the old familiar hesitancy attached to receiving flowers came through so strongly in the dream. I really was concerned about who this rose was from and why, but not in a positive way. My friend on the other hand was very excited and couldn’t wait to see who sent it, exclaiming in the background of the thoughts in my mind, how lucky I was to be getting all this free stuff. This seemed to indicate the rose was not the first surprise to be sent to me. And indeed there were several items, which remained in boxes on my counter and in my small living room. This was when I woke, the affects of the dream still heavy on my mind, even now as I write about it.
I am left to wonder if it is my past which created apprehension? Or was I intuitively uncomfortable with instinctively knowing who the rose was from, unable to accept the possibility of this persons affections? It could be both really, so it seems waiting for confirmation of the sender is what is necessary. Coincidently, someone from my past who I cared for a great deal has recently begun communicating with me. His intent to possibly come back here to visit with me after 8 years, may be triggering a nervous reaction in the dream. Not wishing to repeat history has stopped me from allowing anyone to get close to me since he left, so it makes sense his return is at the heart of my concerns. At least he seems like the most obvious reason for my hesitancy, although there is genuine curiosity about his reasons for travelling across Canada to see me. It is difficult for me to accept his journey is solely about spending a few days (maybe longer) with me. Is the dream then about assuring me his intentions are respectfully positive? Being one who is continuing to learn how to accept the beauty in man being directed at me, it is obviously not easy to accept the positive aspect of this dreams message. Yet old belief systems are being dismantled due to the incredible act of kindness shown me over the last few years – it is a process!
One day at a time…….
Meaning of Pink Roses in Dreams:
– The dream of pink roses is a very common dream and can have various meanings. The color pink is often associated with love and romance, so dreaming of pink roses may indicate that you are feeling loved, appreciated, and cherished in your waking life. It could also be symbolic of a new relationship or the start of a romance.
– Pink roses can also symbolize admiration, appreciation, and gratitude. This could indicate that you are feeling acknowledged and respected by someone in your life, whether it is a romantic partner or a close friend or family member.
– The dream of pink roses may also be a sign of good fortune. Pink roses are often associated with good luck, and this dream could be a sign that you are on the brink of a positive change in your life. Alternatively, it could also be a reminder to trust your instincts and take the time to appreciate the beauty and joy of life.
- No matter what the meaning may be, the dream of pink roses is a positive one and is likely to leave you feeling uplifted and inspired. It is important to take the time to reflect on what this dream means to you and how it can help you to live a more fulfilled life.
March 25, 2023
This morning I woke at 2:22 unable to fall back to sleep for some time. My dream, when at last sleep took me was not an easy one to digest as there were many spiders involved somehow. The dream was mostly forgotten as I began to wake, most likely due to the overwhelming presence of the spiders. One in particular, possibly a small bird spider which was still very large, was near a very big dense web – it was this which troubled me most, perhaps because it represented the possibility of baby spiders. I know I was holding hot water in some kind of container and was fighting the urge to destroy the nest with it. The spiders made me terribly uncomfortable, my mind was fighting with my heart as I was unable to move or make a decision. I was in “freeze”, not fight or flight. Just before I woke up I looked over to my left attracted by movement at the tree line. It was a huge anaconda moving through the property. I can’t even begin to imagine why I saw this snake in my dreams, but it is not the first time. This was when I woke up and was glad to be finished with my Dreamtime, time to get up and face the day.
It is interesting to me for both the numbers 2:22 and the spider to happen together and a week after receiving the pink rose, as they all hold the same message. New beginnings, new love interest or renewed love interest. The anaconda represents substantial change. It has become obvious my move is as much a symbol as it is a physical representation of these dreams and messages. It is not easy to predict the possible change coming to me, but it is a little exciting to anticipate a life so different from what I have been used to.
Sometimes random ideas just pop into my thoughts and must be written out with the intention of sharing on my blog. Recently while on a short road trip with a friend, she asked me if I knew that people don’t believe my story, and maybe they think I’m crazy. Of course I believe this to be true, but if I let other people’s opinions stop me from sharing my story, then I would myself not be worthy of the gift of my life experiences and the resulting story. Most individuals seem to need visual proof about anything important, yet some of those same people insist they believe in God who they cannot prove exists. My belief is and always will be, that if one believes in God, then anything is possible! There is understanding this conversation from the other day led to the following thoughts about my parents. When these ideals are being written, there is a great deal of intensity behind every letter typed on my iPad. There is such a strong conviction attached to every word as I race to get the thought out before some vital aspect of what was given to me through Spirit is lost or forgotten. It is these very intense insights shared with others in this way, where my truth, my convictions have grown to be on solid ground. This was what the shaman meant when he said I had to be patient and be strong enough in my conviction, I could answer any questions the reporters would ask me. This suggested one day I would be in such a situation sharing my story on a much broader scale, something difficult to believe at the time. However as I walk through this leg of my journey, the possibility gains traction.
My parents were just people, human beings. We made them into who they became because of what we needed. Our want for a hero or an enemy, comes from our need to lay problems at someone else’s feet in order to justify our refusal or inability to change. In order to not face situations we are uncomfortable with, we place our expectations on others because of what we perceive as inadequacies in our own persona. For decisions we do not wish to face, most of us turn to someone else to be stronger than we believe we can be. In this way, we give others, like doctors and politicians the power to make those difficult choices for us, effectively removing ourselves from responsibility. The irony is, we became responsible for where we are because of who we chose to look after us. We must accept that we are here today because of inaction and our inability to accept, believe or trust what can’t be proven.
In the same way, placing others on a pedestal due to their good deeds also creates a certain type of dependency which is debilitating. This is a lesson learned recently as I prepare to once more become independent for the first time since arriving back in Canada. Through this process, I have learned placing too much importance on another’s ability to give, can lead to avoiding growth in ourselves if it becomes a crutch.
Another enlightening thought came to me while putting this together – Patrick has no more weapons to use against me. He threw everything in his arsenal at me just before we left for South America hoping it would sink my ship. Well it did a lot of damage, this is very true, but I’ve been in hardship situations many times because of him, so knew how to just carry on. Because of others incredible kindness and generosity, I was able to get to the place where I stand today, a little nervous albeit, but ready to once more become independent. Looking back allowed me to see just how devious Patrick had been during those last years while pretending to be my friend.
I did not get to where I am today on my own, in truth there are those who I simply could not have survived without, my gratitude will be forever bound to them, but not in a way which puts them above me for there are two sides to every coin. In other words I cannot cast aside my own hard work both internally and externally because of my own determination despite the roadblocks I faced, to get here. The last 3 years have taught me to trust as others allowed me to be myself, warts and all, and began putting their trust in me. Quite a gift!
It was not through monetary assistance so much as because of how they saw me which gave me the most trust in those who helped me. It was their generosity of patience and their ability to see value in who I am underneath the trauma which gave me enough confidence to believe in my own potential which was of most value. The financial help they gave me got me back on solid ground, but having someone see who I am and take a chance on supporting me, this has changed my life. No one since the age of 2 has treated me with this kind of respect. It has taken me 3 years to accept this drastically different way of being treated. A lifetime of being someone’s problem, someone unfixable (in their eyes), taught me to live without living. I am now on the brink of stepping over the threshold to a new way of life which allows me to breathe deep the air of freedom, the hummingbird at last leaving her caged world!
My journey has been about finding such a strength in my own spirit. Living most of my life in isolation, even when in a crowd, afraid my thoughts and opinions were unworthy, this was who I was taught to be. This was not the fear I was born with, it was man made due to the misguided ideals of those who did not want to lose their own self importance, their wealth and the status they claimed. I was and still am a threat to their way of thinking. They are afraid of me, I no longer carry this burden, it is left resting in the mummy’s bandages.
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