It is amazing to be here in this moment, with the decision I’ve made. I am leaving Canada with no plans to return, unsure of where this road will take me.
What are the most important things to us, given a situation where you have to decide what to bring on a journey like this. I have sat in my comfy chair during some cold and lonely winter nights wondering why I was keeping so much stuff in my home. Did I really need everything I was hanging onto? Who would have to dispose of it if I passed on? At my age this becomes more of a reality. Working in a flower shop, dealing with funerals on a regular basis helps you face the idea of mortality especially when living in a small town where you know so many of the people who have passed on. Had I not decided on this trip, I hope I would have still made the decision to downsize because it feels wonderful to remove the clutter!
As my home empties of all that kept me comfortable, the walls no longer holding my artwork (which I would define as my heart and soul), I begin to slowly release myself from being here. I realize that this is the first time I have been separated from all of my originals and I do feel the loss. Looking at each piece I have drawn over the years helps me to settle inside, expecially when I am overwhelmed by my thoughts.
There is an Ecco as I walk through the house now and I know that I have already left on some level. I cry often knowing that I will miss so many good people who have been a part of my life here. Planning this departure has made me nostalgic and I find I am so grateful that I am leaving a place with people that I will truly miss. This is the first time since I was a child that I have experienced this kind of loss. At least this time the decision is mine, not one forced on me. Of course there is the wonderful world of technology that allows me to stay in touch with everyone. Pretty amazing really.
Still there is so much to do, so much to remember. So many threads connected to this lifestyle, that I must disentangle myself from; things you don’t think about until you are here. It is very different from just moving across town into a better place because it involves getting rid of everything you thought was important. How much can you get in a backpack?
0 Comments