“Every person has the truth in his heart. No matter how complicated his circumstances, no matter how others look at him from the outside, and no matter how deep or shallow the truth dwells in his heart, once his heart is pierced with a crystal needle, the truth will gush forth like a geyser.”
Che Guevara
In 1997 my father pierced my heart with a crystal needle allowing me to remember him, to remember my mother and those who raised me. Had he not done this, my life would have remained the shallow, loveless existence experienced to that time.
I am always amazed at the people who come into my life, the unexpected gift of a new person showing up when least expected. The beauty of my journey has been such encounters, often signalling a change for me. Last week this gift manifested in the guise of a young man in need of assistance walking through the door where I was working.
John came in looking for a backpack and some better shoes. He explained how he developed blisters from his long walk. So of course my curiosity was piqued and I asked him where he was walking from. Imagine my surprise when he explained he had walked from Calgary – his goal to get back home to Winnipeg. This is his walk for sobriety. How amazing to meet him and share this time with him, have him share his story!
Of course we ended up having a long conversation, exchanging numbers and email addresses because I wanted to know how he made out. I knew I would be thinking of him and wondering how he was doing because everyone who makes an impression on me, as he did, stays in my heart.
It was not just his journey which got my attention, it was the message he suddenly spurted out as I stood beside him looking for a pair of runners. It is difficult to explain the effect his words had on me as he gave me a message from my father. At first he said I have had a very long and difficult journey, but there was someone wishing to pass on a message to me. This person was very important to me, someone very close to me. He felt it was a man. Everything just went quiet inside as I accepted the words my father asked him to pass on. “ I have always been with you, I have never left”. I explained through my tears, I had thought I had to leave him behind when I left Ecuador, but he assured me in this moment, he never left me, it was a miscommunication. There were words of encouragement also, but it was the knowledge of his presence which was my focus, so the exact words of everything he told me not remembered.
John had planned on staying in Maple Creek another night staying, so he rested after all his interesting encounters. Luckily, he did find a good pair of runners after receiving a donation from the ladies who own Northern Lights Spa in town. This meant he was better equipped to begin his journey the following day. I invited him to visit me that night which is a regular visit night with other friends thinking they might enjoy hearing his story with us all sharing in our friendship circle. As it happened only one of the ladies came that night, so the discussion centred around the spirit world and its many beautiful gifts imparted upon us.
I had a feeling when John left that night I would see him again, but did not expect he would remain here for a week, allowing us to continue sharing our gifts with each other. The ladies each had a spirit reading from him, offering a donation for messages received to further help him on his walk. The following week started with him forgetting a hat on the chair in my home where he sat.
Although he left the following morning, the winds were terribly cold, the snow storm expected definitely on its way, set to arrive the next day. He came back.
There was this sense as we reconnected, something was left undone between us. We allowed “Spirit” to guide our next steps. The storm lasted longer than the 2 days we were told, so of course it became apparent he was meant to stay until we discovered what his purpose for landing on my doorstep was. He had to leave once more a few days later, for both of us to truly understand the importance of our meeting. Something was still left undone as we discovered.
This brave young man walked until he arrived near Thompson, perhaps a 45 minute drive, but a 12 hour walk. The police found him sleeping on the side of the road and picked him up. As there was no hotel or place to stay in that area, they would not permit him to keep going. His fear they would not let him go inspiring him to tell them to bring him back to my house. At 3 in the morning I answered a knock on my door to find him apologizing for returning.
This was a difficult moment for me, the many reasons for which I will not explain here as it is not necessary. I was too agitated to sleep, once we got him settled, sensing an energy around him which was unsettling. Thankfully I unexpectedly had the day off, which allowed me to have a conversation with him, laying out some ground rules. I also felt there was a deeper meaning to what happened which we needed to discover.
Walking over to my friends house after this conversation, to feed her cat while she is away, I calmed down and began to see the bigger picture. Setting aside my emotions due to lack of proper rest and long days at work, I realized I must let go of my expectations about the situation, allowing “Spirit” to show me why this happened. I did not expect such an incredible revelation to be gifted to me – one received later. Upon arriving back home, my day began as I made bread and prepared meals to get me through the week. I cranked up the music and a few hours later the joy returned to my heart as I accepted what started as a rather uncomfortable turn of events………finding peace.
It has been many years since I have shared my personal and very private, protected space with anyone. Since Patrick left, the importance of this bubble I live in has been my saving. But as my father would tell me later that day, “Don’t be so stubborn”. My now more balance self was accepting there was an important reason for John to return.
The reading I had asked for days before, one which he turned away from, no reason given, was offered last night. It was such an emotional experience to hear my fathers words spoken through this young man whom I had only just met. First he described my fathers appearance, the clothes he always wore, his hair and of course his cigar. “Look at you, look at you. After everything they put you through, after everything you have been through, you sit here with a smile. You allowed this man to come into your life – you have helped him”. A few minutes later “Don’t let them take away your love, don’t ever allow them to take your love from you”. There was more, but I feel it’s important to keep the rest to myself. Knowing he is guiding my steps, still after all this time, is something which overwhelmed me. I love this man, my father, so much! Can there be any greater gift to me in this life than the love between us which has been my strength through a lifetime of pain and sorrow? His need to tell me he is still here so important, he brought this young man to my doorstep to deliver the words.
This morning a plan begins to form, the idea coming from our reading last night. I found the lightness in my step return, the lightness in my being as well. It occurs to me there is reason to keep my plans to myself for now, however I can say there is great purpose in what I wish to accomplish. It truth, it is what I promised to do so many years ago. There is joy in my heart as I lay out the idea in my mind. As I’ve said so many times in previous post, love is the key – it is all that matters. If we wish to come out of the darkness, we must use the light and frequency of love to show us the way.
We all have our story, some more difficult than others. Many who have experienced trauma cannot openly discuss what happened to them. This seemed to be the purpose of my book, the sharing giving hope to those unable to put into words how we all feel. The circumstance leading John to my door quite different, yet somehow very familiar as it is the common experience of pain which guides our steps. As we find each other, we seem to heal a little, the sharing of what is common to us a little easier perhaps.
I have great admiration for this person who chose to face his demons, challenge his fears and share his gifts doing such a long and difficult walk. While in Ecuador, I often thought (and still do today) about those who walked from their home in Venezuela, escaping the terrible situation forced on them by the Trump government. It is difficult to imagine the determination required to accomplish such a feat. In my mind I often said I couldn’t imagine anyone in Canada walking from here to Medicine Hat never mind down to, say, Mexico, which would be a comparable distance. Yet here is this brave determined soul walking from Calgary to Winnipeg, perhaps sent by “Spirit” just to prove me wrong! I hope people will consider this story I am sharing, have the same belief I do, and recognize that he needs our prayers and good wishes to support him as he takes one step after another. I pray for him that he can continue to find rides to help him knowing there are no safe places along much of our highways for him to sleep or rest as needed. As we also discovered, one is not necessarily allowed to make such a journey during this feardemic. Please share his story to encourage anyone you feel would benefit from hearing about his courage and strength.
So I conclude with my sons poem entitled “Breathe”, because it saved me in my most dire moment after his father left me. May it also lift others to believe in their own greatness, their capacity to love and reach out to those who are in need………
Breathe
Breathe, take in this moment
Close your eyes and feel the beating of your heart
Today found you a brand new start
Edge of the world’s the time to fly
Shaking your doubts that stay your feet
Just breathe…
Take me to a brand new start
One where I’ll feel no broken heart
Where no dream was left behind
That place in mind
Just breathe….
Not a thing but fear could stop a spark in the heart
Feel the beat, breathe in hope
Smile at fear and jump from the edge of what you know
Belief brings you wings
The world was yours from the start
[ by Lucas Chudleigh ]