Written on May 11, 2022
It has been a strange few weeks, on top of a few strange weeks before that. I know big changes are coming, but what form will they take? My mind is so full, it’s difficult to concentrate or even slow my thoughts down enough to make sense of them – put them in perspective. Always it’s about timing. About moving at the right time – waiting or not waiting. Right now the energy says move fast, yet I cannot move much at all.
It is simply anticipation of something new on its way. This reminds me of my first pregnancy for some strange reason. I suppose because of those similar feelings of wanting to speed things up, get it over with, yet unable at the same time to slow it down. Excited for the arrival of the new life created, terrified of having to go through the birthing process. Will I be a good mother? Will I be able to cope with such an important responsibility? I remember saying “I’ve changed my mind, I don’t want to do this”! My mind could not accept how the baby would be able to emerge from such a small space. Thinking about it now, I’m sure at the time, there was a trigger from my own childhood which unsettled my mind. Not the first woman to experience this and we all learn though, what seems impossible can be achieved despite our hesitancies.
Something just happened to me while sitting in my basket chair watching the end of a really nice love story which involved time travel. Finding this movie (entitled For All Time) was a wonderful surprise, more so because I normally do not watch love stories. I’m really glad I watched this one though. Maybe because of the content, meaning the time travel, the watch being the link and the main character finding his purpose, were the reasons for what happened to me as it finished. There was sudden deep sharp pain in my back through to my heart which hit me hard. My fathers saying about the crystal needle jumped into my thoughts immediately as I sat back resting my head on the edge of the chair. The pain was quite intense so I looked up focusing on my window and the hummingbirds hanging there. My focus though, was brought to a small black dot which could have been nothing more than a speck of dirt on the glass. After watching it for a few seconds, it was clear to me it was moving, which inspired me to get up to take a better look. Acknowledging as I did so, this was my guide and friend Sapphire – my first sighting of him this year. How interesting this would occur at the moment I received the sharp pain of the crystal needle!
Gratitude filled my heart as I watched him fly from my view in slow determined circles, the pain disappearing with his exit.
Truly, I am ready for a life which no longer revolves around the pain of my past. My hope is the changes coming with the full moon eclipse on May 16th will light the way for such a life to begin. The feelings of being out of step, unbalanced, not in my centre seem to me, related to this change as I have begun to walk out of the circle revolving around being a victim. Having spent most of the entirety of my life in this circle means of course, the required changes are significant, making me unsteady, unsure.
This reminds me of being at the airport anxious to get on the plane to start my long awaited journey to Ecuador. Yet, there is a great deal of uncertainty because the journey beginning means stepping out of my protected self made prison. Such a conflicting range of emotions – being so excited for change, yet anxious about my ability to cope, knowing the journey cannot begin if I am too afraid to take the first step.
The process has begun and there is no way I’m turning back now.
0 Comments