July 14, 2023
How amazing to consider the idea my daughter was brought into my life simply so I could wake up and face the truth of my past. Then there is my youngest son who triggered my memories of my father as I often referred to the likeness before knowing by name who my birth father was. The dreams and visions with just one clear image of him flashing before my eyes prompted the comparison. Like a shadow at the corner of your vision which disappears when you you turn to look at it, this is what it always felt like – this acceptance without knowing who my father was. How can one be so certain of something which can’t be proven? Yet I was, I am!
It seems obvious to me now my children generally were brought into my life to remind me loving after so many years of abuse was possible. Often I have stated how people come into our lives to show us the way, to learn, grow and adapt in ways we may not have if we had not met. It just never occurred to me my children could have been brought into my life to show me the way. I always thought it was the other way around, as I suppose most parents feel. As I walked to work this morning, it made me sad because none of my children are part of my life now, so it really does seem possible they fulfilled their part in my play, and no longer feel a reason to be here now.
Somehow, as I give it more thought, this is also comforting because it means there was not necessarily anything I could have done differently or better to have kept them in my life. It was just the end of our journey together. There can only be gratitude for the gift of my children’s place in my story which allowed me to find myself again. This gratitude must also be extended to those who influenced my path through cruelty, even though it’s difficult some days to do so. Every experience can teach us a lesson if we’re willing to accept the teaching. It’s obviously not been so simple to accept this point of view, the anger still wells up inside me, a fire needing to burn itself out, so daily rituals such as the sound therapy helps immensely to find balance.
Just avoiding one situation by making a different decision does not mean the lesson will not find its way to you, not meeting one person doesn’t mean what they had to share will not come through someone else. At times it feels like a game, one with many options, yet the end result is the same.
When we choose to be a victim, and it is a choice, we give up our freedom. This makes us susceptible to manipulation by those who prey on the victim mentality. Our governments are demonstrating this on a large scale these days and it frightens me to see how easy it has been for them to control the masses due to the complacency of so many. Brainwashing is not difficult when dealing with the vulnerable, due to fear. – fear is the easiest way to control anyone.
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