I have begun my new chapter thanks to several people who gave me the opportunity to do so. Because of their kindness and generosity, I returned to Maple Creek, welcomed in such a beautiful and loving way.
I came with the unfortunate baggage of a traveller who was forced to make the choice of supporting self, or making payments on debt incurred. This has been a familiar position for me as with my second marriage we were often running from the wolf at the door. It is never a comfortable place to find yourself, often dark and lonely. There are so many like me, struggling to keep their head above water, looking for suitable and affordable accommodations, providing nutritious and satisfying meals and somehow staying in touch with the world. Returning to Canada has shown me there will be many more in this position before the year is over if we continue to proceed with the COVID restrictions.
While preparing to return to Canada, I often had to pause and ask myself “why.” Why was I going back to Canada when I had unfinished business in Ecuador? During the weeks in isolation I continued to ponder my return. Many have asked if I am happy to be back, or if it feels good to be back, a tough question for me to answer if I am truthful. My heart also belongs to Ecuador, the strings connecting me to people, places and of course my beautiful Señorita Mali. My heart belongs here as well, connected to people, places and the opportunity to pay forward.
It is often in the wee hours of the morning when I find myself awake, unable to sleep that I cry for Ecuador. It is not that I do not want to be here, just that I miss being there. There were many magical moments, break through which I could not have experienced had I not been there, so yes my heart is still in that far away land.
The Hummingbird connects me to both places it seems. The last days spent in Intag I felt it’s presence so strongly as it made a point of flying into my space as if directing traffic. I got the strong impression this tiny spirited bird was telling me I was going in the right direction, even though I could not understand why. I believed the Hummingbird, I trust its spirit and it’s comforting presence. I always have.
Yesterday as we the The Hummingbird Ladies Club sat together in my new apartment, I felt the presence of the absent bird. These ladies do not know this is the name I have for them…….yet. They will read about here in my blog for the first time and perhaps, (I hope) it will make them smile. I have only been in my apartment for a week, but it feels like I have spent years here, I am so comfortable in my space. There are so many reasons for me to say thank you each day, and I do exactly that. Saying thank you has become a mantra as I move through each day with surprising ease, going from one moment to the next, amazed at how well the moments fit together. The Hummingbird Ladies Club is exactly as it suggests, a group of women who each carry the spirit of this tiny bird in their hearts. They are responsible for my return, they have provided me the comfort of friendship and family, two things I have not experienced much of in my life.
The Hummingbird from Ecuador was indeed correct in its knowledge I had made the right choice to return despite my sadness at leaving. He reminds me in unexpected ways so I do not forget the origin of our relationship. I received as a house warming present, a hummingbird garden light which I then hung in my art room (as I do not have a garden) along with my growing collection of hummingbirds. It was the thought of the this gift which inspired the name of the group of very special ladies as I lay here this morning unable to sleep. I received many gifts yesterday, the visit, the tea party a complete surprise. Like a teenager who has just left for college for the first time, I needed everything to once again set up house. Similar to the telephone party line of days long ago, word spread and I find myself in a very comfortable home with most everything for a functional home…..a miracle for this traveller who was more of a refugee.
Yes I still cry for Ecuador, but my heart is full as I live each day here in Maple Creek surrounded by the most amazing people who have welcomed me back. I hope they can understand why I hesitate when asked if I am happy to be back, as I am just so fortunate to know such beautiful people in two countries. My heart belongs to both places, the spirit of the hummingbird the connecting thread. But I must not forget the butterflies which also keep popping into my life in surprising ways. Butterflies were part of my daily meditation in Ecuador as well. They often came from nowhere it seemed to dance around my head as I walked the roads or was enjoying quiet moments. One of my gifts yesterday were 4 lovely placemats with the most delicate butterflies on them…..truly beautiful! One must never underestimate the power of these small yet giant spirits of the earth.
So yes, spirit is with us always, our eyes see a reflection of our inner thoughts. With all that is going on because of the pandemic, I choose to focus on the butterflies and hummingbirds as they remind me to stay positive, be grateful and never forget the miracles present in my life.
Here’s to The Hummingbird Ladies Club…….as we grow and expand, we share the joy and love from this tiny bird. My soul flies with the prospect of the great potential.