Tsunami

November 7, 2024

Yesterday was the dead zone, that period when the ocean is receding and everyone is standing there in fascination,  not yet understanding…….the tsunami is coming!  I literally tried to go back yesterday to fix a mistake made and may have caused a serious problem by doing so. Sapphire tells me no, I did not cause the problem feared, but the action speaks of my desire to change the outcome of the day by turning back the computer clock 1 day. The moment I read the T-man won the election in the US, I fell hard into fight or flight and the day seemed to follow suit which was very unsettling – the feeling of failure was heavy around me. This was a more controlled fight or flight, which sounds strange even to me, but functioning normally was possible, the feeling of knowing what’s been set in motion felt so strongly, yet contained. Once again, it is understood I cannot change my fate, like Barry in The Flash, I must face the demons and accept the consequences of events which could not be prevented. Right now the words are not yet there to describe what’s happening, so my guides gave me the image of the tsunami which is an apt visual description. 

I went to bed last night with a heavy heart, unsure if sleep would come. My reward was actually an experience of leaving my body. This process seems to have changed somewhat as the “cold” body is not felt the moment I come back, but rather delayed. This morning it took me 1 1/2 hours to warm up, and while I was doing this, the image of the tsunami came to me as well as the visual explanation of how the warming up is my body’s process of reconnecting all the operating systems. This has definitely changed for me as I re-enter, which is not as harsh or sudden as it used to be,  so a different experience on some level. This time, there was an additional gift, as I was able to remember where I was, like a short movie in my head, but rather fuzzy and incomplete as I try to focus. 

My decision to change my name legally to Guevara, in other words as the shaman said, not hide anymore, is connected to all this, similar to what happened with 9/11. To me this must seem an inflated arrogant statement to anyone else, at least on the surface, but that’s because my story has not yet fulfilled it’s required destiny. My little drama this morning put my story in the hands of someone, actually 2 people who will change this. So was this in actual time? Meaning I was putting this story in the hands of someone because I was able to do so in this space between time?  The shaman is capable of this, so yes, it is possible. Or is this a situation about to unfold in the near future? 

In this little out of body experience, I found the body of a dead man, someone familiar to me, murdered while working on his vehicle in his own driveway. It was surreal, there is no way for me to understand who he was or why I had to find him. I was with someone in this scene, but could not see who it was, a man though. I have a connection somehow to the dead man, an invisible string linking us, perhaps just for this experience so I would be sure to remember. I was fascinated by him, distracted by what happened to him and what I should be doing. I’m not sure how I got to the next chapter in this story, the linking moments got lost, but somehow we ended up in the company of the dead man’s neighbours, sitting around the dining room table sharing a meal. There was definitely more to it, kind of a long winding explanation of why we were now sharing a meal. What’s clear in the end, just before I came back to myself was how I shared both my last name and my written story (Bolivia was an important part of it) with a certain man sitting at the table. He was a writer himself I believe and possibly a journalist. There was also a woman who was interested, maybe they worked together somehow. The man was getting ready to leave, but asked to keep the pages I’d given him as he said it was very good – he already knew the ending. This seemed a strange thing for him to say, yet I completely understood what he meant and felt a certain measure of excitement realizing this was the importance of being here in this space with these people. The excitement would have been from connecting to someone who at last understood the true value of my story and why it must be shared. 

The reality in this time though is keeping me in fight or flight and I’m so tired. I’m just not sure what it means for me yet with the T-man coming back in power, but I feel the terror of my childhood knocking on the door. Will I make it to Argentina now if I don’t go before he takes office?  Will I get stuck there? And is it better for me not to come back to Canada? I feel it’s best to distance myself from the people I’ve become close to so no harm comes to them, yet how do I explain any of this. How can anyone here understand the darkness felt around my soul once more, just when the light was becoming brighter?

The experience had while I was out of body is helping me cope. Also I have been focusing on researching Argentina, figuring out time lines connecting my mother to Argentina as well as certain events previously unknown which seem quite important. Of course they are, or I would not have been guided to find them. This is helping me as I try to narrow down where to focus my energy knowing with limited funds I must make the most of my time there.

Yesterday I saw a photo of the plane, now in the museum in Buenos Aires, used for the death flights. This made me cry, but knowing I was on the edge of losing my composure while at work, not smart, so I pulled everything back in, pushing it back where it could not be felt so easily. This plane may not even be the same kind of plane used to kill the woman who I considered a mother to me, but I could still feel what it represented as if it was. To me it may as well have just happened last week, the emotional pull was that strong. Who here can understand this aspect of my childhood and what I feel daily because of it? How I wish I was not alone with this, yet feel it is for the best. 

The leaves have all fallen from the tree which during the summer months shield me from my neighbour – the one who stalked me and forced me to quit one of my jobs. His kitchen window once more in direct line of sight, which adds to the stress but I refuse to let him frighten me anymore. I am Gabriel Guevara and as papa told me through the shaman – no one fucks with the daughter of Che Guevara!  Still, my situation is a bit grim right now, all the problems heavy on my shoulders must be given to my guides as the solutions evade me.