I believe the following entry is one of the best examples of how the fragments were connected, then eventually showing me the makings of my puzzle, the image becoming more defined with each piece placed. Still, there are many pieces missing which may never come back, but after so many years of patiently collecting the fragments, it seems not all the pieces are necessary. It was suggested not long ago it is my father who still needs something from me and therefore the reason for our strong connection. If this has truth behind it then I believe the fragments needed to complete my journey, are those which will divulge a part of his story which carries importance. Perhaps this too is the reason why I must wait longer than I hoped as it could mean there must be an important shift somewhere or with someone before it is safe to reveal this message to me. Timing is everything is it not?
Journal entry from February, 2003
During a very difficult transition period, there was hope given through this beautiful dream. So many years later I marvel at the confirmation given at a time when there was zero comprehension on my part of this possibility. Many times over the years it was suggested for me to write my story, which seemed impossible, an idea pushed away time and again. To find, in fact, this incredible journey has been written twice and in addition with 4 years of relating my stories in my blog, has been put into book form, is completely amazing to me.
In the dream I was sitting on a stool at a high table which reminded me of a drafting table. The scene brought up memories of those days at a time when scribes would work alone in the quiet of their room with only candlelight to brighten the sparse surroundings. The table was angled just slightly and the pen I was using not a pen at all. It was a beautiful long dark feather which was dipped in the bottle of ink which also sat on the table. I was hand writing an important story when the energy came into my room. This was a powerful dark energy which I understood was meant to stop me from continuing with my work. There was a time when this would have made me cower, become lifeless as a rag doll, but I had grown since those days, the story in the process of being told, one of many which helped me get to this moment of complete confidence. My heart began to glow with the great love I felt, the same love which has guided me through this life even when I did not recognize it. This love became a bright light emanating from my heart centre which encouraged me to stand up and face this very dark energy. I stood up with a smile growing larger as I turned around allowing the light to be used as a force beyond measure to blow the energy clear from my space. With this great force of love, the darkness was expelled from my room, from my life, the joy from the experience carried forward into my waking hours as I came out of the experience.
This vision carried the message predicting I would indeed write my story, the feather was a catalyst ensuring I would do so. The story itself and my willingness to share it gave me the confidence to know absolutely I would be protected in my efforts to bring forth the truth. While the memory of this incredible message still affects me deeply, the idea I had the capability to write my story was not something I could accept. My memories too fractured to make sense of, my journal entries to painful to look back on and the reality I did not see myself as a writer. In the end it was my journals which helped me piece together the 2 books eventually writen. The building of each book and the process which enabled me to write them has given me the confidence to allow the truth as I know it to be told.
Writing my story with the feather is symbolic of my connection to the man who left it for me. The condor feather is my connection to South America, to home. Writing my story, sharing my story will bring me back to the place of my birth, this is what I believe the vision was telling me. At the time I just did not have enough information to fully understand the truth of this idea. If people question my claim of heritage, they must understand, this was not an easy, nor was it a decision taken lightly to disclose the information I share in both my books. I am standing on a fragile limb in order to do both, with only the emotional connection from so many years of fragments returning, holding me to this path. Those fragments contain the fear, the love and the pain from that which I could not accept as a child to be happening to me. I have lived a lifetime without the memories which in turn prevented me from living at all. Whatever comes from sharing my journey, I do so with the understanding the end result may not be what I expected, which happens in life for any of us. However I have great confidence there is purpose for my sharing this journey even if it is only to bring me out of the shadows of my own prison. Whether you can accept my conclusions or not, the journey is one I feel is pretty amazing.
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