Author’s Note; reading these letters as I insert them into this post is as difficult today as it was when I received them. When I got Ellens letter in the mail, I pretty much fell apart and almost believed everything she was saying about me. Perhaps I was crazy, perhaps I had everything wrong. It was at this time I gave up looking into my past for awhile, but my past kept calling me, the dreams would not let me forget or let go. So off and on throughout the years I searched for the truth. I was obviously never going to get it from the people I grew up believing were my family.
I am finding it very hard to post these letters and face once more the unbelievable pain they cause. A part of me is still terrified that they will be believed, that this is what people see about me. This is what they made me believe about myself throughout my life and it is why I did not want to look too closely. It was during my therapy that I came to understand that I was not this aweful person, but still, even today I find myself fighting to stay above the landslide of their hate towards me.
Author’s Note; This letter was received while we were living in our tent and camping near Slocan where we still had a mailbox. I was overwhelmed upon receiving it and it took great effort to pick myself up and take another step…….
You will notice that she does not know how to spell Rheann’s name, although she claims to love her more than I do. I have highlighted areas in the letter that coincide with other stories where I have mentioned these situations, such as the DNA request. I was astounded at her recollection of the summers I babysat. The hours I spent doing laundry, cooking and cleaning all but forgotten, replaced with visions of a wild girl who did nothing all day. This same girl who was afraid of herself and of attracting any attention.
As for the birth certificate, my understanding is a baptism certificate would not have been acceptable in requiring a SIN. If my name had been changed, the legal documents for the name change would have been needed. The question left unanswered of how I obtained a SIN without a birth certificate remains.
March 10, 2001 Brenda
I am sorry you got so far from the truth and I am not sure what I can do to help you find what you ask for in your letter, the truth about your family, but I will try, and I hope you read everything I have written here and you try too to understand my meaning..
I have known you since you were born and believe me there was not a plot or death or switching of babies that has occurred. I was old enough to remember and know that. All you have to do is look at a picture of your daughter, yourself and myself at that age to know the answer.
You need to comprehend our mother’s life and realize that she had just had baby number 5 in a different province with totally different rules than in Quebec which she has tried to explain to you. She picked your name by herself when asked by the nurse, but was under the impression that a name change could be done at your baptism a week after you were born, which is the way it was done in Quebec. She then decided she liked the name Brenda and named you after our neighbor Brenda Lawrence who was a wonderful neighbor and friend to her and helped her a lot and that is how the name change came about. Myself, Terry, Neil and Bruce did not have birth certificates, we had a Baptismal Certificate.(until 1995 when Quebec then started doing Birth Certificates and I wrote away and now have a birth certificate, but for years I carried around a tattered Letter of Baptismal Certificate which was a legal birth registration). You also have to remember she was a woman that totally relied on Dad to do everything, she didn’t always understand things that we take for granted in our lives, so when the nurse asked for a name she gave Nancy Katherine and said can I talk to my husband and change it ifwe decide to do that. The nurse told her yes but to mom that meant at the baptism. Just once put yourselfin mom’s place instead of always thinking of you.
When mom and dad brought you home you were a beautiful baby and as a young girl you had blonde hair, bright blue eyes and a beautiful smile and spirit. You were the baby girl, the golden haired girl, everyone spoiled you and you had all ofthe love and attention from all of us. Grandma Phyper even came all the way from Montreal (by train) because she was afraid to fly, for your Baptism. You got to have everything, you got to be a Brownie, take ballet lessons, have the new clothes not the hand me downs, Terry and I didn’t get any of those things, I remember begging for piano lessons and to be a Brownie or Girl Guide, but neither Terry or I ever got to do anything except help mom and look after the younger kids.
As a teenager you got in with the wrong girls and did everything you could to make mom and dad angry, break every rule and it was me who got to pick up the pieces and try and help you, you hung out with me on most weekends and one summer, you lived with me and I paid you to babysit Stacy and Mark, but you were more trouble than my kids. Your troubled teens were your own doing. (But they were also the years you were happy because of dance, so you are contradicting yourself) I would come home after work and the house would be a disaster, my kids and all the neighborhood kids would be in my house having water fights, or playing, running through the house, you wouldn’t cook dinner, clean your room or your bathroom and would wander around all day in your bikini trying to get the attention ofthe boys in the neighborhood, and then wanting to go out every night, putting me on the spot because mom and dad would not have allowed it. All of a sudden I not only had an alcoholic husband, a hyperactive child, athmasitic and celiac child and good little Mark who was always getting hurt because of an hyper brother that didn’t realize how hyper he was and on top ofthat had to put up with your moods and spoiled brat antics. But nevertheless you were my sister, I loved you and I wanted to help you and mom and dad. When you met Darrell and you were better and finished school and worked for a couple of years. When you married Darrell, again you had a husband that adored you, gave you the world, a new house, a Volvo, nice furniture and always building and fixing the house and you didn’t even have to work, you got to stay home and be a mom, something I never had the opportunity to do until I met Curt. You were a wonderful mom while pregnant and after you became a mom, you had great children and you had a wonderful calm way with them. Then something changed and you became Katherine.
When you changed, you lost all your sweetness, you became another personality, you didn’t even visit with our sister for the 1 Y2 to 2 years she was dying. I spent 3-4 days a week with her and mom and dad came every day because I would have to leave to 3:00pm to go home and take care of my kids. We would take turns taking her to radiation and chemo therapy treatments, helped with medicine, helped getting her to the bathroom, make her lunch and in general just talk and spend time together, my best and worst memories, but where were you? ****Author’s note; I did not change my name until after I met Patrick and gave birth to Lucas. It was during my time at therapy that the idea to change my name came about – which was years after this*****
Then you became Katherine took yourself and the children away and estranged yourself from the family and wrote mean, spineless letters to mom and dad. The very people who gave birth to you and loved you because you were their child. You did what you set out to do, hurt them as much as possible, it wasn’t bad enough that Terry had just died then you pulled that stunt (always looking for attention). For the rest of us life went on but for mom and dad you broke their heart not just because you were not in their lives anymore but neither were Josh, Colby and Rheanne. The memories of love and the powerful love you feel from your mother that you talk about in your letter are there because of the love your mother has for you and every night and day she thinks of you and prays for you, that you will come back and realize she loves you. (At this point I don’t think you deserve it but a mother’s love never dies).
You are right Katherine is not my sister,
Katherine is somebody spiteful, somebody who neglected her three beautiful children, let her current husband abuse her daughter, who has nothing better to do than write ridiculous letters and try to once again get attention, she has become haggard looking, no pretty blue eyes and blond hair anymore, no beautiful smile, she has greasy straggly brown hair, yellow teeth and dull blue eyes and walks around like she is in a drug induced state. She neglected and abused her children then dumped them on their dad’s doorstep and indirectly on my doorstep to help them out ofthe confused state they are in. The Brenda I knew would never have done what Katherine has done to Rheanne, a beautiful sweet young girl who needs a mom and while I will do my best for her it is not the same as a real mom. I am very thankful for the relationship that Robyn and I have and wouldn’t give that up for anything in the world. What you have done to her this last while, the lies that you spew out to her and the hateful talk, I would ask you to leave her alone and quit screwing with her and Colby’s lives. She is a happy girl enjoying the good and bad parts ofbeing a teenager and doesn’t need you filling her head full ofyour hate, she is trying to put that behind her and move on. Things she has shared with me are in confidence and will remain that way for now, but don’t mess with her anymore and when you get this letter don’t phone her and harass her, if you need to do that phone me. I am also curious just who is writing these letters Katherine or Patrick, also would like to remind both ofyou that there is no Statute ofLimitations regarding sexual abuse. It sounds like it is too late for Josh, you have screwed up his head and hopefully this summer Darrell can help get him back. When he was young, I took care of him a lot because you would get headaches and he was the most sweet and loveable child and now he is lost. I don’t know how you can justify what you have done to those children.
I I am not sure what else to tell you except we are your family and if you don’t believe it do a DNA test to prove it, that would be a good idea and if you don’t want to, we can get Rheanne and Mom tested. But I think you know we are your family and you are just trying to get attention by writing these ridiculous letters. Mom answered you and tried once again to explain her mistake to you, I am answering you (I would have answered the first one, but Rheanne informed me you were living like gypsies and living in a tent and who knew where) Neil started to read his letter and threw it in the garbage and luckily (according to Ian) you do not have his address nor Bruce’s address as he just moved. It is too bad you do not want to be part of your family, but if you ever do want to become a part of it again come and visit me by yourself (no outside influence). We are not a perfect family, but we are family.
In short you live in poverty and exile at your own doing and if you enjoy that, that is your business but you wouldn’t know the truth or know about love if it hit you in the face, and I for one am tired of all this nonsense and will not answer any more of these stupid letters. If you do not want to be part of this family, then please just go away and stay away rather than buzzing around like an annoying little bee just wanting to sting and hurt.
I am curious, what you do think, that you were an alien dropped into our family and made to resemble us not only in looks but also in temperament, we both share a love of music and cooking and how do you explain the uncanny resemblance of Rheanne and myself when I was her age and the similarities in our personalities. I think you really need help and have to quit taking those mind altering drugs, I feel very sorry for you and want you to know that if you ever want my help, love and understanding, phone me or come to my house by yourself.
Love Ellen
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