Car Crash December 19, 2002
My surrogate mother and I were standing on the road, she holding my hand as she said to me, “He died protecting us.” Even while she was telling me this I saw myself in the car with him. The car slid across the road hitting another vehicle and started on fire. I kept thinking, “How did I survive this?” On some level I was connected with my surrogate father and my mother, experiencing both losses simultaneously. It was a strange sensation. Over and over again, I kept hearing her voice, “…He died protecting us.”
After waking up and while writing this dream I began to see this was the same car in which I was forced to watch my surrogate father get shot. It seems to me now they faked this crash to hide what really happened, no questions asked.
My dreams did not necessarily come in the chronological order of the actual incidents. If I am right, my surrogate father was killed before my surrogate mother. In both cases intimidation was the psychological weapon forcing us to accept the version of reality where we couldn’t change the outcome. We were meant to understand we were their puppets.
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