Dream of the Spider again August 31, 2008
I have learned over the years that in order to stop my fear of someone or something, I must find the courage to face it, showing my strength and resolve in changing my initial reaction. I have been afraid of many things during my life, the spider topping the list. I have tried to face each of these fears one by one, perhaps not completely conquering them, but making them less of an issue. Still, this spider gets me every time. I hope one day I will again be able to see one in person, but on my own terms.
In this dream the spider was in our basement, which of course made me panic once again. What was the South American bird spider doing here in my home? I had been doing the laundry and was heading back upstairs when I saw it. It looked quite small and so I didn’t realize what I was seeing. I thought I would just collect it and put it outside, but the closer I got the bigger the spider became until it was it’s normal huge size by the time I was beside it.
I now knew it was my old friend that gave me the scar on my cheek. All the familiar feelings of panic and fear welled up inside as I watched it go across the floor towards the washing machine. I was amazed at the speed it was able to travel and I remember thinking I would have to kill it or I would always be afraid of it coming upstairs and surprising me again. I would be afraid all the time of this possibility.
As I write this entry I begin to think perhaps it was positive that this time I was able to face this spider and feel I could do something about it. I was also beginning to understand the spider was instrumental in the destruction of my true self, a traumatic turning point in my life. It’s entry into my life marked the time when I was brought to Canada, my name changed, leaving behind all that I knew and loved. It follows that the spider keeps coming back, a reminder of this extraordinary, pivotal time.
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