Truth vs. Fiction May 21, 2008
I had a dream over the weekend I feel important to share. The basis of the dream struck me rather hard because it seems to confirm my life was always manipulated, and still is to this day.
In the dream I was at home with Patrick and the children, around the time I left their father. I didn’t recognize the house we were in, it was very nondescript with bare walls, no colour or personality. This seems to accurately portray my circumstances during that period of my life.
Patrick answered the front door and then stepped to the back of the room. The children were gathered around me on the couch which was behind the door. Darrell came into the room with a handful of papers and a strangely satisfied look on his face. He didn’t say anything, but there was an arrogant aura about him as if he knew he was untouchable.
Not knowing what the papers said I knew somehow what they represented. I seemed to know what the papers meant. Even though I was no longer married to him, my life was still connected to his in a way that goes beyond a simple document of marriage. He was holding proof of some kind of hold on me, and from this point forward everything I did would be a struggle. Unfortunately, my premonition proved to be correct in subsequent years. There have been very difficult times I have more than once wondered at my ability to continue placing one foot in front of the other.
As with all dreams that give up a secret of sorts, I inevitably proceed through something like a grieving process. First I felt a great calm, no anger, no hurt, no happiness, just calm. But as things work their way along beneath the surface, the reality of my first impression begins to sink in and other feelings start to show. The uncertainty, the difficulty trusting, seeing the possibility of deception in most things, in people; this is my hardest battle, to realize my life has been made of lies and deception. Knowing or separating truth from fiction becomes very difficult. This is what makes me want to hide from the world.
As if to amplify this uncertainty, my visit to the dentist the day after having this dream seemed to confirm my suspicion many things I had previously been told were most likely untrue.
Having no reason to disbelieve I was severely allergic to penicillin as I’d been told, I’ve always made mention of this anytime I find myself in a situation where I may require medication. The dentist was someone who needed to know given the certainty I would need an anti-biotic for the tooth infection I was seeing him about. What took me by surprise was the dentist asking why I didn’t have a Medical Alert bracelet, given the supposed severity of the condition. After all, I was told I almost died from the penicillin I was given to combat scarlet fever. It was, apparently, my reaction to the drug and not the illness which nearly killed me.
The dentist was now strongly suggesting I get tested to determine if I have an allergy, and if so a bracelet should have been issued as standard procedure. This was the first time anyone had questioned the validity of what I believed to be truth. This left me wondering what really happened to almost cause my death as a child? Was I the one who almost died? Or was it Brenda who had the scarlet fever? I could not help but wonder if she had died from the illness and the allergy to the penicillin was the story told when I was brought to live with the family. This would explain the discrepancies, the inconsistent stories, and the lack of information in my baby book. I wonder what happens to a birth certificate when a small child dies? And why would they lie about something so important? Why would they make up a story about the medicine, but not make adequate provisions to prevent a possibly fatal consequence? In truth, I have often wondered why I did not have an alert bracelet. As a mother I cannot explain the absence of this rather important preventive measure. I most certainly would have made every effort to obtain a bracelet for my child’s protection were there a pre-existing medical condition.
Taking into consideration the hereditary potential, I made mention of it on the any occasion my children required antibiotics. I find it interesting at no time during all these years I was never asked why I did not have a bracelet…until now. Very curious indeed!
The second surprise from this visit came when asking about my wisdom teeth. I explained I often had migraine headaches which seem to coincide with times I had severe pain in my jaw. I was wondering if the headaches were connected somehow to my wisdom teeth. Looking at my x-rays he informed me the wisdom teeth in question had long since been removed, though I had been told by a different dentist my wisdom teeth were intact. I was now left to wonder if indeed the teeth had been pulled, and if so when they were taken? And why did I have no recollection of the event?
I have since learned wisdom teeth are the most reliable means of providing evidence of my place of birth. It seems the unique radioactive isotopes within the teeth provide reliable evidence as to geographic location at birth, this unique radioactive signature absorbed into the teeth.
Note— Radioactive isotopes are source specific, the physical origin of the uranium easily identified as to where it was mined and refined. Remove the teeth, remove the record.
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