Over the last few days, I have felt an uneasiness I cannot explain which began after speaking to someone about my book. There was a young woman here who spoke English and so for me this was a real treat, to have a conversation without the translator. She was here with a work crew, I believe more on the administrative side, and so was available after our meal to just talk. She had been told about my book and was curious, so we spent some time discussing it.
When I left her company, I began to feel unsettled, a very strange occurrence. I cannot describe it as a negative feeling, just foreboding somehow. Sometimes when talking about the book getting specific about certain details, I go through a period of sadness, as it brings up all the emotions associated with my past. This was different. Suddenly I was anxious, wanting action, looking or waiting for news to come in an email, repeatedly checking to no avail. In yesterday’s post, as was explained, the feeling persisted, stronger than the day before. My need to have some information arrive as if by magic was frustrating me, hence the walk into town, etc. While watching the videos I posted, those unsettling emotions were replaced with the joy and happiness of watching people sharing what they love in such a big way. Although a residual of positive emotion remained those anxious feelings persisted as I got through the evening.
As I turned in for the night, I felt calmer, but still the sense of waiting for something important kept me awake for awhile. This morning, perhaps the answer has presented itself in the form of a dream. Often the dream time is when my mind allows me to receive information, so it has been of great value over the years, the messages never ignored, always considered important. This morning as I realized the importance of the message gifted to me, I am calmer, however it is a bit unsettling to realize the truth of it. I have waited for this message for so many years, wondering how it would feel to learn about the death of the man who had me believe he was my father for so much of my life. I know it will filter through my mind and the many different emotions will surface, but for now I am left to wonder how to confirm what I was told. How do I know for sure Duncan Phyper has passed on? What if anything will it mean for my future? I cannot dismiss the message telling me this may be the truth, the symbolism tells me to believe it.
Each time one of my animal friends particularly close to me died, I dreamt about them within a day or two, a gift I was grateful for knowing they came to say good-bye. To me this indicated my connection to the spirit world. This connection has kept me searching for the answers needed to find peace within. The truth found its way through the maze of uncertainty, confusion and fear, teaching me to believe in the magic of life which has many facets, needing to be explored. As I believe in God, and having been fortunate to witness many wonderful and amazing things, I understand anything is possible, something obvious as I observe the wonders I see here each day.
In my dream, I started out on a journey with a woman, someone I recognized in the dream, but now her face has faded and I cannot grasp her identity. But she was important because she got me started somehow on this new leg of my adventure, one which meant travelling to new places. I found myself in a big city, the people foreign, although I am not sure what nationality. I was walking the streets, heading to my hotel and I was nervous because there were so many people and I was unsure of my way. The next thing I knew, I was in my room, unpacking when I was distracted by something on the floor. It was a toad. My door was open and as I tried to catch it, help it on it’s way outside, the person in the room beside me was on their way to do the same thing, a toad in their room also. There were 3 altogether, disappearing as only they can do in a dream. However, from somewhere one more followed me back in my room, so I decided it was meant to be and allowed it to remain.
The dream changed, my room different, water running through it as if it were built over a stream. Quite fascinating actually, but I was confused as you might imagine, not understanding this new feature. Inside, there was still expectation the woman would be joining me, but instead these events unfolded. This is when I found a strange pod which when opened revealed small white, almost clear worms. At first I thought is was some kind of liquid until I saw movement and realized this was not the case. Instinctively I understood, that the best way to get rid of them was to put them under hot water. As I was doing this a man seemed to appear in my room, was now standing beside me. It was Duncan, dressed in a suit, younger than he would be today, perhaps in his late 50’s. This would have been a time when he was happy. A time when I was working for him, his business was very successful and it seemed nothing could go wrong. The significance of this detail not lost on me as I write this. He said, as he watched me, “If you now drink some of that water, the message of those worms will be able to come to you. I pondered this as I watched the worms dissolve in the hot water, and then drank the water from the source before it spilled on them.
There was much more to the dream, we spent time talking, my discomfort and anger towards him easing as we did so. None of that can be recalled now, but I feel we both found some peace in those moments we were allowed to spend together. Upon waking and as I write this, I comprehend the value of having this experience. My thoughts go to my children, as hope is renewed they will now be willing to talk to me, but this is something which seems out of reach for now. There is also hope for information, something he left for me upon his departure from this world, a valuable, priceless actually, parting gift.
At first, my concern was in finding out the possible reality of my dream, how to go about it. Would my daughter send me a message as she had done for the deaths of Helen (my adoptive mother) and Ellen (my adoptive sister)? There are questions circling in my mind as I contemplate what might happen next, but there is a part of me which knows Spirit will guide me as always, the way will become clear.
Wanting to confirm my suspicions, I searched for this information. Maggots, a gruesome reminder of how nature takes care of the dead and their presence was indication enough Duncan’s life had ended, discovering them just as he entered the dream. Symbology, an important link to the messages of the angels and spirits. “House fly larvae, or maggots, appear similar to pale worms. Pour boiling water over maggots to kill them instantly”.
Spirit message of the toad: “If this creature presents itself to you, it means that the success that you are waiting for is drawing near. It is often a good luck sign but requires action. Much like the story of the frog prince, the toad is a symbol of having to do something that you may not particularly like”. One can only hope that after so many years of wondering and searching, answers will indeed arrive. The toad being persistent and the water providing refuge for the toad, just appearing, indicate perhaps the answers are on their way to me, flowing down the stream to my doorstep. Or perhaps, the travelling, being in a strange place surrounded by so many people is also of importance. Doing something I may not very comfortable with – travelling alone, facing so many fears in order to get those answers. Could this be the reason for the toads persistence? Does the death of an enemy allow them to become your ally? Is the dragon, talked about many times in my book, and a very important part of my healing journey, a representation of the two sides of our enemy? In certain situations, if there is remorse, can the spirit of an enemy become a friend? An open mind can lead us down the road to forgiveness and provide us with much…..
I’lo be sure to let you know when the way becomes clear……..
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