This morning began with a great deal of emotion, I began to cry. It was early, only 5:00 am, but sleep evaded me and I knew something important to me was brewing, needing to be spoken. In conversation yesterday, the topic of the “Me Too” movement came up in connection to the Epstein files. I have not followed the stories in relation to Epstein, nor do I read any of the stories connected to the Me Too phenomenon. The strange thing about me, which may or may not be understood by those listening, is that I do not follow others in order to understand myself. My love for ballet did not equate with being enamoured by famous ballerinas, never reading about them, watching them or studying photos of them. I just loved what I was able to do. It was my passion, there was no need to share with those who became famous, or even those who were not, for our common love of dance. This applies to the great artists, although I may be amazed by their gifts, and enjoy looking at their paintings, at times absolutely fascinated by them, I do not need to know the details of their lives or their journey which enabled them to accomplish great feats. I understand I am not in their league, what I do has been for my benefit, a healing process connecting me to my past. In short, I was not striving to be “like” anyone, just being grateful for the opportunity to express myself in these ways. It was never about becoming famous, the desire to achieve, based on personal power, discovering where it was hidden.
I have thought a great deal during this past year about the Me Too movement, as it pertains to me as well. I have much to ask in way of compensation, of those who felt my life was theirs to play with, believing they were above reproach. But there is a price and it will be paid, whether I inflict it or the higher powers do. For me, it is the higher beings, meaning God, the Angels, or Spirit Guides, my protectors throughout this life, which I give this power of action. It is not something I want responsibility for. I am doing my best to remove myself from that circle of abuse. By enacting my will, to enable punishment would only keep me in that circle of anger and retaliation, encouraging the need for vengeance to continue. It is a fight I do not wish to partake in. Over the months I have struggled to understand where my feelings lie on these issues, finding it surprisingly difficult to accept the popular vote towards public flogging. Since my Dark Night of the Soul, I have realized many things about myself, have seen more of who I am and the importance of my views about the world. I must make it clear – I do not ask anyone to agree with me, we must all face our demons in the way right for us. I only ask for the space to allow my feelings to be counted.
“I am Gabriel, I am the Thirteenth Healer, I am the daughter of Che Guevara and Jackie Kennedy, and this is my time”. To be able to stand in front of those who deemed it fit to remove my identity from me, instilling fear in it’s place, and say those words without recrimination. This is what would free me from their bonds, give me peace. Thinking of this was what brought forth the tears this morning, the emotions almost overpowering at times when I allow acceptance to breathe within me. The impact of just how much was taken from me, the act of being loved the primary gift of life for us all – gone in the blink of an eye. Recovering from the loss of something so great, constant as I strive to accept the brutality of someone else’s fear. Even saying it here, in this protected space, facing no one, it threatens to strangle my courage. Giving up would mean going back, which is not an option, The power of the memories recovered, the many gifts of love ensuring this, as this journey continued, would be diminished because of it. My presence today is owed to that great love, the only part of my past which matters. Therefore it is also what is of greatest value carrying me forward…..
Many have asked me why I am here, what is my purpose, without having heard of my story. It has been a difficult question for me to answer, not really having one I understand. In the beginning it was easier, saying the book needed to be finished, being in the environment stimulating the emotional connections was vital to me. With the book being finished there seemed to be no further path forward, making it very awkward to face “what comes next”? This conundrum was in part responsible for me falling into the darkness, unable for the first time in my life to see the direction I must take to achieve the simple act of surviving. Sometimes we must stand still in order to see clearly, the gift of this amazing place allowing me to do just that in the weeks during and since that very difficult period of mourning, I have noticed the warrior coming out in me, but it does so with hesitation, unsure of the reception. Speaking out about what I believe has never been easy, ridicule was normal for any opinions I may have shared growing up. It is not easy to find your footing when it is continually kicked out from under you, so it is with trepidation that I begin in this new direction, learning as I go the truth of who I really am and what that means.
From this day forth, when asked why I am here, the answer will be “I am here to renew the revolution my father began, this time without guns, my weapon is love”. Those of you who have read my book Finding Home, may remember “The Dragon Dream” in Chapter 3. This dream one of my favourites, tells a story with a similar theme, one where love defeats the evil wishing to prevail, control of the kingdom it’s endgame. We have been in a reasonable facsimile of this story for so long we can’t remember when it started. With the exception of the Atlantis period, if you are capable of believing in its existence, perhaps it has always been so. Only the places and the names change as we recycle this endless theme of those who desire to rule the world. In the spirit of Greta Thunberg, who wishes to save the environment, I wish to save morality and principals and any who not only still believe in them, but are guided by them. They go hand in hand really – one without the other is not much of a solution. Live for love, live for truth, the rest pretty much takes care of itself.
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