There are several mentions about flying in my book “Finding Home”, the idea of being able to this truly wonderful. When I say flying, I am not speaking of being in an airplane, but actually flying like a bird. Can you imagine the freedom? I think of the shamans, in any country, but particularly in North America, because this is where I was raised, who managed such feats. Whether in the dream state, or meditative one, this ability has always mystified and amazed me – the possibility fascinating.
In the past, when these experiences happened as written down in my journals, it was beautiful to feel the freedom of flight, especially given my great fear of not having solid ground under my feet, the very idea threatening my peace of mind. So it has been rather interesting during the last few days to experience flying as a bird while awake. When during the night, sleep evades me after waking suddenly in the wee hours, I am alert for some unknown presence in my room. I can’t explain, but I am certain there is a spirit with me, friendly, but unknown. Immediately, I scan the room for a large spider because of late the necessary removal of large spiders from my room keeps occurring, something I have complained about to the spirits, suggesting they choose a different messenger. My fear for the sudden appearance of this creature is still great, apparently not leaving me anytime soon.
Spider or not, the situation presents itself in the same way as I wake suddenly for reasons I cannot explain, alert to an energy which seems to fill the room. As I close my eyes to sleep once more, I am above the trees in the mountains here, the view experienced as if I was flying. While it is amazing seeing my surroundings in this way, the beauty easily accepted, my fear as I realize where I am is unmistakable. My heart pounding as I find myself crying, afraid to close my eyes again after several attempts, each time experiencing the same thing. As I lay there trying to find calmness, I realized how afraid I was, not just of the experience, but also it occurred to me the story posted yesterday was perhaps a mistake. I was a small child vulnerable once more struggling with my identity and the right to own it. There is a connection to the act of flying, meant to raise me above those worries, making them small, insignificant. This is a gift, I understand, one meant to be explored, not feared. Only when the fear subsided, was I able to relax and fall Into a deep heavy sleep.
With sleep, came a very strange dream, most of which was lost upon waking. However I did remember being in a tourist location, staying in a resort with Lucas. The money was strange, a currency I did not recognize. The bills were smaller in size and it was necessary to carry a large amount, as many bills were required for a purchase. I was talking to the woman at reception about leaving for Canada soon, and she was sad, not wanting me to leave. She said I was not like the other tourists, and she would miss me. Upon reflection I wonder if this is not connected to my visit with Maria and Javier yesterday, knowing she felt this way about my leaving. It makes the most sense. As I was waking up I received an alert on my phone which had to do with a fire hazard. I was confused by this as I opened my eyes and checked my phone, knowing it could not be real because I do not have a phone number. There was no alert on my screen, it had been part of my dream, bothering me throughout the day as I wondered what it meant. It had seemed so real, should I be concerned? Was the warning for here or back home? There was sadness connected to the alert, so I am hoping there will not be a tragedy, but I suspect there may be.
My day ends with the emotional unease it started with, as I hesitate to lay down and close my eyes…….
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