When I first began to dream about parents different from those I grew up with, I was very confused. Making sense of the many messages over the years was not easy, the idea I had been born somewhere other than Canada a strange concept. It was easy to joke about the new idea of belonging somewhere else in this world, my discomfort within the family believed to be mine for my whole life, making more sense. That the mother of my dreams bore such a strong resemblance to Jackie Kennedy was the strangest concept for me to accept. Over the years Rheann was often told how much she looked like her mother (me), something she seemed to resent in her teen years, telling me she did not want to look like me. From the images in my dreams I was able to see my mother, who was so beautiful, in the face of my daughter, something I hoped gave Rheann comfort. If she did not want to look like me, would she be content having such a beautiful grandmother.
The most definitive image I had of my father came in a flurry – a black and white photo which popped into my mind with a series of others flashing before and after. The one posted below was the only one that stuck firmly in my memory, but it seemed the other images may have been of the same man at different ages, but I can’t be sure.
With this one image, the sound of his voice as he named me “Gabriel”, and a series of dreams which described him, I tried to comprehend who this man was. To have the understanding he was my father without the knowledge of who he was to the world gave me hope he was still alive and that one day we would meet again. Knowing nothing of the political situation in South America, or anywhere really, I could not have realized how complicated being his daughter would be. My lack of understanding, my ignorance of the events in other parts of the world stood firmly in my way of discovering more about this man during those years. I did not have a place to start.
The details about my father I received in my dreams and visions:
- he had a baby face and was very handsome
- he carried a journal as he travelled
- he spent time with the indigenous but I wasn’t sure which country
- he was executed close to his home
- he executed a person/s
- he was a soldier
- he fought in South America and Africa
- as much as he was loved by some he was hated by others
- he wanted me to know how much he loved me
- they poured gravel over his body (his burial)
- there was often a reference to blue eyes
- there were several references of his resemblance to Christ
- I understood there was at least one person who knew about me and had items to give to me from my father. I hoped to find this person.
The things I learned about the man in the photograph from my dreams. Information about Che Guevara discovered from my research beginning in the year 2017.
- From his picture I could see he was very handsome
- he had charisma, was much loved by the people
- he was hated and hunted down for his efforts to free the people
- he was executed close to his place of birth
- he performed executions
- he fought in South America and Africa
- he carried a journal with him always
- he was compared to Christ, especially on his death bed
- his eyes turned blue after death (this is something I discovered only this year while writing my book)
- he was buried in an anonymous grave, covered in gravel
- The link for the story where I learned his eyes turned blue https://www.theguardian.com/world/2009/jan/15/che-guevara-bolivia
As I watched him speak to the UN in the USA in a video I discovered online, the first seconds of hearing his voice brought me back to the moment he named me. I recognized the voice of my father immediately, the emotions trapped inside for so many years came flooding out. I had not realized how firmly I had hung onto the sound of his voice, what a lifeline it had been, until the reality of it’s sound hit me. The strength of the connection at last wiped away the impossibility of this man being my father during those first few minutes. The shock of knowing at last, the man of my dreams was a real person settling into my being. Only after I returned home from work that day did the reality of what I discovered sink in, the very idea so amazing to me, it suddenly became difficult to grasp. That he was so important to many in the world was not part of the equation for me. He was just a man, someone who loved me enough to speak to me from the spirit world. Understanding in these first moments of recognition, why he could not be part of my life growing up, was clarified. I had not been abandoned, I had been loved, I was wanted. But life does not always work out the way we hope, we do not always enjoy what we believe is our right to have. The lessons are learnt from walking the path we find ourselves on, not the easy one we wish to be on. The person I am today was developed from the many beautiful, many difficult experiences set before me. I believe I carry that part of my father who was of the people, who believes the heart of the land is the people.
There has been a new opportunity arise over the past week, something I certainly did not expect. After my meeting with Auki, the book and the documentary seeming an impossible task, I gave up the idea of pursuing their publication. But as with my dreams and visions, their persistence in making me pay attention over the years despite my desire to push them aside, forced me to accept their messages. I met a young man, the other day, who went to film school here in Ecuador. He cannot graduate due to financial difficulties which would allow him to complete his final project – a documentary or short film. How strange to meet someone with the same problem as me, but on the other end of the stick, so to speak. Here I am needing someone to film the documentary, but do not have the money to pay them. It seemed we had common interest as he had lived in Bolivia, the man Che Guevara someone he respects. He found my story intriguing and we agreed to find a solution which would help us both accomplish our goals.
With this post, I am sending out a plea for your assistance in accomplishing this project. I would ask you today, something I never would have been able to do in the past, to contribute to the project if you are able. There are many bloggers out there who charge for the privilege, but it was my decision not to create a payed for site. I also gave my book up for free in the hopes it would be of help to others with similar issues. As my registration list grows, I am encouraged that this has indeed been happening. I truly do not have the funds to pursue this venture, so I am asking for your help, a very difficult thing for me to do. However, if you can see the value of what I am trying to accomplish, then perhaps you can see a way to assist me. While indeed your contributions will help me achieve my goal, they will also help this young man achieve his goal to graduate. It is my hope for him to find work in his field of expertise, if we can give him this start down that road. As we know, even in Canada, graduating does not mean you are guaranteed work in you chosen field. Sometimes our dreams need the help of others….
I understand it is a difficult time of year to ask anyone for financial help with Christmas coming. However if each person registered gave just $1.00 US, it would be enough, which is amazing!! We have yet to work out the costs which would include travelling to different film locations, accommodation/food in those locations and the cost of renting a camera, plus editing/translation time. With the company I had lined up previously the cost would have been around $2,500.00 – $3,000.00. I send this post out with no expectations, just hope for the voice of my father to be heard once more.
Sometimes the right idea simply comes from the wrong person, and that things did not work out was not due to the pursuit of this idea being wrong either. Obstacles are put in our path, so that we perhaps see the idea from a different angle, or perhaps include something or someone we did not think of previously. As we pursue our dreams, we discover sometimes the path we thought we should be on is more difficult than the one we avoided. My fear of failing, of rejection has been one of my biggest obstacles in life, so this post is an attempt to challenge myself to face both. I thank you in advance for your understanding and your help.
Anyone interested in assisting me can reach me through my email address: gabriel@vangodiary.ca