It was a perfect day today, ending with me sitting in my hammock under a sun dappled sky to write in my journal.
The last few days have been worrisome because I have been running low on food. I feel I should explain the reason I do not go into town. It is not because I am afraid of the virus, but of being asked for identification. With an expired visa I have a concern they may want to see my passport as I do not have a resident card. They have road blocks and check all the vehicles and those in them, so for now I feel it is best to lay low. Charles stopped by this morning on his way to town. It was so nice to have a long visit with him as it has been 2 weeks since I have spoken to him or anyone for that matter. You can imagine how much I appreciated the visit! The bonus was stocking up on food, much which would have made for a heavy load, such as flour, oil, sugar and milk. It’s a 25 minute walk for me up and down the mountain road, the climb is fairly steep. Because I have not been eating much, my energy is not as good as it should be, so I was very, very grateful to him for bringing me what I needed.
it is so true, that without pain, we cannot have a true measure of joy. Without darkness, can we appreciate the beauty of light? Suddenly my cup was filled and I felt joy deep in my core knowing I would be ok for another 2 weeks at least. It changes our perspective to have enough to sustain ourselves. It changes the way we look at not only this day, but the days to come.
I have learned to cook a little differently here, based on my limited kitchen ware. A one burner electric plate, a bar fridge, and a table to hold all my supplies and utensils is my kitchen/bedroom. Not much room to work in and I have to fight against the feeling of claustrophobia having so much crammed together where I work. I can’t make traditional bread or buns, but I do make flatbread for a wrap or to dip in my soup My staples are different kinds of flour, rice, lentils, potatoes, eggs and pasta. Charles brought me tomatoes, cucumber, peppers, cheese and onions today so I made a veggie mix for my flatbread. Oh my goodness it tasted so good! I am managing quite well, thanks to Charles who has been a good friend here.
I have noticed a reduced desire for sugar as my ability to buy chocolate or cookies has also diminished. The sugar in my coffee (which I am also trying to reduce) seems to be enough now, plus the sweetness of fruit. So in some ways, I believe I am getting healthier, have lost weight, and so feel lighter, more agile.
Charles told me Susi would be going into the city in a few days, and it only after he was gone I realized there had been an opportunity to have them pick up a charging cable for me. But then it seemed this was right. To do this for now without being able to distract myself, see where this situation is leading me. A decision was made this morning by myself to use this time to try and create something beautiful (at least to me) each day, or at least begin something. Being creative has been the best way over the years for me to be in positive space. Without messages or conversation from the outside world, without distractions of electronic devises to help me get me out of my head, I had to create a space of positive energy.
Writing my stories by hand has been a good exercise, however I do miss the convenience of the iPad, the delete button and quicker pace provided with typing. I also really miss my puzzles, they have always been helpful in making me relax, organize my feelings and thoughts. And at night, because they do feel very long, it was nice to watch a movie or show, read on my library app before falling asleep. This has been a habit of mine for years, especially reading before sleep, a way to knock out all the problems of the day, lost in someone else’s story. Now I have cards to play solitaire and I will maybe draw or color for awhile. Sometimes I will just sit on my step watching the rain, but time just seems to pass so slowly in the dark of night.
All in all, it was such a good day, my week seems to have a brighter horizon. The necessity to stay positive very important knowing the situation is likely to go on for much longer than we all wish here. Each day I am making more effort to work through my fears, be stronger and believe in myself.