The following paragraph is from the article in the link provided above. Kind of sums up what I go through. I heard one woman explain in a video yesterday that if an empathic child experiences trauma, they will disassociate with their body in order to cope with what they experienced. It was amazing for me to at last hear this explanation come from someone else, putting into words exactly how I have felt throughout my life. Although I understood this, I never quite found the correct way to describe it. I suppose this is because I have never looked for help with what I go through. The iridologist explained what I am, without giving me a label for it, so although I have often thought of Deanna Troy on Star Trek, I was never certain I was an empath.
This is the classic, number one trait of an empath. No matter what someone else near you is feeling, even if they think they aren’t showing it, you’re likely to pick up on it immediately. But more than that: you may actually feel the emotion as if it were your own, essentially “absorbing” it or sponging it up.
How exactly this works is a subject of some debate. But we do know that people who have high levels of empathy also have very active mirror neurons — the part of the brain that reads emotional cues from other people and figures out what they might be thinking or feeling. In other words, if you’re an empath, it’s likely that you can pick up on tiny changes in expression, body language, or tone of voice that others miss — and immediately sense what the person is feeling.
Before I understood I had this gift, I believed whatever I picked up was my own, completely unaware, yet instinctively knowing this was not how I should be feeling. To say it was confusing and often overwhelming, is an understatement. Knowing why was a very welcome gift, but I have not had guidance showing me how to choose what I absorb. Being here in such isolation, unable to communicate freely has in its way shown me how to choose when I allow someone get closer to me. People tend to barge their way in though, causing me a great deal of stress.
Reading these two articles and watching the video below, have helped me understand what I go through and why. This has been very beneficial because it also explains my fears, my frustrations and my anger, which are connected to being misunderstood and taken advantage of, my personal space being violated. I have come to understand that this is due to people not actually listening. They may hear you talk, but they do not actually listen to what you are saying, and this is an important distinction. But it also what I would call a huge trigger because of the many violations to my personal space when I was so young. My tolerance for such behaviour is getting very low, which I suppose is connected to having the realization my story is in fact true! For so long it seemed only a possibility, which meant being an empath was only a possibility.
The following article give mostly the same information, but as you see in the example paragraphs below, there are some differences.
https://www.healthline.com/health/what-is-an-empath
This could mean:
- Fragrances and odors affect you more strongly.
- Jarring sounds and physical sensations may affect you more strongly.
- You prefer to listen to media at low volumes or get information by reading.
- Certain sounds may trigger an emotional response
If you’re an empath, you likely dread or actively avoid conflict.
Higher sensitivity can make it easier for someone to hurt your feelings. Even offhand remarks might cut more deeply, and you may take criticism more personally.
Arguments and fights can also cause more distress, since you’re not only dealing with your own feelings and reactions. You’re also absorbing the emotions of the others involved. When you want to address everyone’s hurt but don’t know how, even minor disagreements can become harder to cope with.
Deeper emotional understanding can drive your intuition, and you likely pick up on things other people miss or make connection that aren’t clear to anyone else.
But this increased connection to the world can also have drawbacks. Environments that don’t provide much space for emotional expression can dampen your creativity and sensitivity, Egel says, leaving you disinterested, disengaged, and struggling to thrive.
When I was a child, shortly after being brought to Canada, I could not listen to the news. Immediately I would cover my ears and close my eyes when the television was on in particular for the adults to hear the news. Also I now understand why I could not tolerate hockey games, the watching of, a favorite past time on cold winter nights in Canada. I always put it down to being left out of the decision as to what we got to watch on T.V. on a Saturday night. My preference would have been a movie.
But now I see how the actual game, the noise and the fast action were like nails on a chalkboard for me. One night I was so aggravated, I started dangling my scarf in front of my brothers watching the game. I felt if I could entice them into playing they would shut off the game, but it didn’t work that way. The oldest grabbed the scarf pulling hard, then letting go. I fell backwards, hitting the back of my head on the folding door directly behind me. This door closed off the upstairs to help keep the heat in the room. The pleats were metal, so when I fell back, I was wounded quite badly. I remember lying on the kitchen counter with my long hair in the sink, my neck resting on the edge. Helen (my adoptive mother) was washing the blood from my hair as we waited for the ambulance to take me to the hospital. I remember getting the stitches removed, feeling them slide through my skin. There is not much else I remember, but recently I was given the understanding I had a choice that night……..to allow death to take me or continue on with my life.
I tell the story in an effort to demonstrate how overwhelming sounds can be for me. This is why I have my iPod with me when I go anywhere, so I can listen to the music which gives me comfort when I feel overwhelmed by what’s around me.
The music I listen to is chosen carefully, the frequencies proving positive vibrations within. There is a variety of genres which is important also, ensuring I do not have too much of any one sound. Over the years I realized, the importance of this discovery cannot be measured.
I recently finished writing my book “The Beginning…….the End, and Everything Lost In Between”. The story is basically a re-write of my first book “Finding Home” but written from the emotional perspective of both the child and the adult as they find their way back to each other. The disassociation was described to me by a Medicine woman, Grama Grizzley, who said my spirit had been shattered into a 1000 pieces.
So I have been given the information, just not in technical terms. My life experiences confirmed in unorthodox ways as I travelled in effort to discover my past. I suppose this is why I never looked for authenticity regarding my gift, it seemed adequate to me having it described in a more spiritual way. But yesterday and today when I read the articles, watched the video, I understood the value of having a medical version. Those who have never experienced what I do would have trouble believing this is possible. In such circumstances, evidence must be provided for them to believe in the possibility. But even for myself, at times my story and what I have experienced seem impossible, as I wonder how I got through it all. So seeing the terms in black and white, ease my mind as well, justify the roller coaster of emotions as memories continue to return.
So I provide this information with the idea, others might be questioning if they are an empath. Even if you feel this is true, maybe like me, you just never confirmed it with the right terminology. Maybe it will make a difference for you too, or maybe it will help someone understand this is real, it is difficult, but it is a beautiful gift as well. Maybe this is why I feel such a strong need to tell my story. Unconditional Understanding is the most beneficial medicine for those of us who have experienced trauma, it provides peace in a way nothing else can. I do not tell my story to acquire sympathy as many may think, because sympathy does not remove the ache, whereas, understanding is a soothing balm.