For the first time in quite awhile I have dreamt the last 2 nights. Yesterday’s dreams are mostly forgotten, slipping away as I woke, but there was a residual of their importance which stayed with me throughout the day. Last nights dreams seemed to be a bit stronger, so I remember some of what was told to me
In the first dream I remember horses, one of which was a yearling, dark and a bit skinny as if it was struggling to survive. I was sitting on the grass and it came to be with me. As it did so a version of Patrick also came to join us. It was strange because I knew it was him, but he didn’t look the same. The horse just wanted to be close to me and I was enjoying its company just as I would have miss Mali. Patrick’s presence seemed an intrusion on my peaceful time, something which made me uncomfortable. I just wanted him to leave.
I dreamed in 3 parts, and am now unsure of the order. However I believe what came next was when I was standing with a group. There were children and I believe another woman who was their mother. Patrick also walked up to us in this section of the dream, intruding once more in my space. Everything happened very quickly once he arrived and it was very disturbing. He was about to hand over a large bundle of money which seemed blue in color, then at the same moment put a gun under his chin and pulled the trigger. As he fell to the ground the money scattered around him, tainting the gift, or whatever it was intended to be. I was unclear who the money was for as well. I found this very unsettling, but in character as our relationship was one of punishment/reward. He never gave without also punishing me, often with devastating consequences to my mental and spiritual well being.
In the last section of the dream I was again with this family, the mother and 3 children. It was as though we were neighbors and often had a visit over the fence so to speak. A woman who reminded me of my boss from many years ago, dropped off a box of cakes which were quite unusual, something they shared with me. When I went to get mine, it seemed to come alive, became some kind of unusual animal that I welcomed as a pet. While we were talking on the street about this unusual gift of food, a man on a motorcycle approached us. Rather than slow down to pass us or give us time to move away, he sped up driving through us as if he meant to do harm. All but one of us got out of the way in time. The oldest boy was knocked off his feet as the bike brushed against his leg.
I ran to see if he was hurt and this was when I saw a strange kind of chemical flame on his pant leg. We put dirt on the flame and then checked to see if his skin had been affected. It was such a strange occurrence, the flame did not cause any harm, did not burn through the fabric, yet it’s blue like flame seemed quite harmful. I woke up at this point and was left pondering what was the motive of the driver of the motorcycle and who he intended to hurt. Somehow it did not make sense the boy was the one he meant to hit. We just could not get him to move, he seemed intent on standing his ground to make a point about the drivers lack of integrity. It could have cost him his life. The question was, whose life was really in danger. It was difficult for me not to suspect it was me based on past experiences.
I would also like to make note of a man who came into the store yesterday while I was working. It was one of those strange moments when I realize it is not a normal situation, not a random customer. I felt it the moment he came into the store. My body always knows when I am being watched, there is this distinct alarm which goes off which is not describable – I just know I am being checked on, it is meant to unsettle me.
I recognized this man as someone who passed by my home last month. It was one of those strange moments where he just appeared as I reached the top of my stairs ready to go into my apartment. Normally I don’t look back, but on this day, I had that feeling and turned just as he passed the opening between the building next to mine and looked up at me in the same moment. I hesitated, unable to turn around and go in, part of me wishing to run down the stairs to see where he went. But I knew I would be to late, he would have disappeared around the corner. It was quite unsettling, the feeling clinging to me for several days.
The strange thing was he was not on the street when I turned towards the opening leading to my stairs, so I cannot understand where he came from in order to pass by my building with such perfect timing. It was not until he left the store with his small purchase of lightbulbs that I remembered where I had seen him before. The stillness in my belly an unmistakable warning.
After the first experience, I contemplated telling someone, but decided to keep it to myself, continue to focus on my project and the positive things happening in my life. But seeing him again yesterday brought back the eerie silence which accompanies the recognition of familiar experiences from my past.
Perhaps this is what inspired my dreams this morning, this feeling of being watched again. I can’t really say I felt threatened, but there is discomfort attached to the situation. There is nothing I can do about it, but I am aware there is an element of danger connected to this man. They just want me to know they are watching me. The question always has been the same, why? Perhaps this explains my very strong desire to just hide in my apartment.
January 16, 2020
Another strange dream this morning, most of which was lost when waking. The one thing which had the greatest impact was the large bird flying towards me, coming so close its body and wings were a blur of grey. I cannot say even, what kind of bird it was, it’s approach mesmerizing. It’s presence was quite powerful, affecting me throughout the day when thinking of it. Seemingly intent of melding with me, I could not turn away, no fear about the impact as it did so. There was also this sense it was happening in the rain, droplets of water on the bird as well as a misty atmosphere surrounding us leaving me to wonder if this changed my perception of its size and color. Was it sapphire?
Was it a spirit or flesh?
January 17, 2020
Wow yet another dream night or more accurately morning.
The first dream which I remember at least in part seemed to verify my theory of being watched.
I was walking home from work and saw a woman standing on the sidewalk outside my home. In the dream, I was living in a small house rather than the apartment I now live in. I understood she was waiting for me, and began to feel uncomfortable. I could tell she knew who I was, so realized I would not be able to just walk by my own home as if I did not live there. It was such a strange feeling, sort of a combination of recognition, yet trepidation. She reminded me of a gypsy, the manner of dress and I suppose because she had a large sack which she must have carried on her back beside her on the sidewalk.
So, despite my worry, I continued to approach her and my home. As I passed her going towards my door, thinking or hoping I had misjudged the situation, she followed me. She stood behind me as I opened the door, neither of us saying anything, almost as if a part of me had been expecting her. I welcomed her into my home and closed the door behind her.
Once we were inside she began to explain her purpose for being there. I was both unsettled by her reason, yet again it was expected. I made some tea, and we had our visit. She explained her visit was necessary in order to protect me.
I have to mention I also had the sense there was one or perhaps 2 men sitting in a car a short distance from my home. I remember passing them as I walked home, but did not really pay attention, although I knew they were there. It was a beautiful summer day and I was not concerned with anything other than enjoying my time in the sun as I walked. However the men suddenly became important as she spoke to me, still unsure of who they were. I understood this woman meant to stay with me, something I accepted even though sharing my space is not something I do easily.
It is only as I write this, that it occurs to me she is one of the grandmothers from so many dreams past. Her appearance slightly different in this situation, but there is the certain familiarity none the less.
There was not much else to tell, the dream seemed to end here and I awoke.
After I woke, I lay quietly for a time before falling back to sleep unexpectedly. The dream I had next made me forget temporarily the dream with the grandmother.
We were travelling on a mountain road, much like what I experienced in Ecuador. I am not sure who I was with, but the possibility of it being a taxi driver makes the most sense. Yet I seemed to know the driver, so maybe it was a friend also.
The road was busy, and because of the many sharp, turns and curves in the road, there was a sense of how dangerous it was to travel. I became distracted by a motorcycle approaching from behind us, seeing it swerve in and out of traffic in my mirror. Then it was as if I was able to watch what was happening from above the road as if from the perspective of a drone camera. I could see the driver weaving in and out between the cars and trucks, at a speed which was dangerous in this area. On coming traffic was not often visible due to the curves, so I was well aware the person on the bike was putting us all in danger.
He came up to our vehicle and passed us. It was shortly after passing us he lost control, heading towards the edge of the road which led to a severe drop into the mountain valley. It would mean certain death if he could not stop.
In my mind, desperate to stop what I was seeing, I willed him to turn and avoid going over the cliff, even though he was already in mid air about to go over. It was not until the last second that he did so, changing his course, able to land back on the road and then disappear around the bend. This was when I woke up, emotionally charged from what I had been witness to, as if it was actually happening. When I had a few minutes to calm my breathing down and slow my thoughts, I had this terrible impression I had been watching my son head towards that cliff. I will never really know of course because he was wearing a helmet obscuring his face, but the feeling remains as I write this dream.
So many interesting dreams and experiences this week as planetary alignments suggest a time of great transition. It has been awhile since I have had such strong dreams, leaving distinct impressions of warning. The one with the bird having deep impact, leaving me with the sensation I had become one with this spirit bird. There is a strength in accepting such ethereal experiences, knowing I have often been guided in my life by such forces which cannot be explained. There is beauty also in this acceptance and I am grateful to have been given such gifts