When I was young I was told that those big beautiful blue dragonflies would bite me, that it would be very painful. Not knowing any different I believed this for a long time and became very frightened of them. With time passing I realized Duncan was just being cruel, as he had been so often creating barriers with the beauty around me. In this way they kept me in a cage under the guise of protecting me. It was them I needed to be protected from though, the truth often difficult to face. With this freedom I enjoyed the realization that I love dragonflies. They stir the imagination as you picture a beautiful fairy queen riding on the back of one of those magnificent blue dragonflies. So today, despite what I was taught, I believe dragonflies are magical and bring only good blessings, magic and needed change. I suppose this is why I love the song so much, it reminds me of my innocence still very much a part of me.
A dragonfly flew into my room the other day, and seemed trapped as it bounced around looking for the way out. I never saw it leave my room, I was distracted by something, but I like to imagine it is hiding on the beams above surrounding me with magical goodness.
Now that the worst of the rainy season seems to be behind us, I have taken to enjoying my hammock once more in the afternoon. The hours before the sun slips behind the mountain place it perfectly in line with my hammock. I call this time “my perfect moments” as I relax with a cup of coffee and no other distractions. The sun warms my face and bare arms as I let all my worries go, because I understand the future is in these moments. Like these moments, it feels as though time has stood still as each day goes by with no activity, yet we are nearing mid April even though my mind still thinks it is March.
There is magic in the air though as I get a surprise visit from Susi and/or Charles, something you learn to appreciate greatly. Having a conversation with someone other than yourself, the dogs or chickens, something you treasure when it happens. These visits have also provided me with extra food, also very welcome as I wondered how long what I had could be made to last. I am so grateful for the friendships both near and far that keep me moving forward. Elizabeth, Susi and I keep planning for our project to be carried on the wings of the hummingbird to many places. We remind each other there is hope each day in our belief there will be room for us in the future.
Walking around the property the other day, I at last came across the stage where I could see the growth of new bananas. I suppose, like so many things, I was just not looking at the right time to see this beautiful transition. It is quite amazing really to see how the fruit grows out of the flower which stays connected for longer than I expected.
When I see something like the banana tree producing it’s fruit, I cannot help but believe in magic. Is it not wonderful to see this? In Canada it is just a delicious fruit that shows up in our stores, the knowledge of how it came to be not something I ever bothered to learn. I find myself understanding just how fortunate I am to see it first hand – to be part of this world that provides us with so much beauty, mystery and yes…..magic. Just as hearts appear in front of me as I walk around, there is much to be appreciated every day, if we take our minds off our problems to see what is hidden in plain sight. I love knowing this, it has become like a treasure hunt for me to find something each day that I didn’t expect to see. I suppose this too is why the song has such a meaningful connection for me. In my childhood, magic was removed, my imagination a source of humiliation. I grew up to believe the beautiful thoughts in my head were stupid and became afraid to share them. Through my art, I have learned to remember the beauty of imagination, it’s significance cannot be underestimated as I realize my ideas have been my great companions for so much of my life. At times, those ideas have been all I had to keep me going. Being so isolated now, I realize those ideas have been my strength, encouragement and hope each day.
“ I can see my face in the mirror again”……. Joshua Kadison sings to me as I listen to his voice carrying me away. Today I realize that I too can at last see my face in the mirror again, the feeling of recognition in that reflection, something I wasn’t sure I would ever have. But I am still the girl walking in the garden waiting for the one who will also recognize me, love me and stay. Is it possible to love and be loved when you have been so broken? Some days I almost think so…….
“Blues, greens, flying on dragonfly wings”……….