Finding Home, Chapter 10; Miss Mali

Miss Mali

After Hawk passed away I did not wish to get another dog. He had been such a special soul, making me wonder if I would ever be ready to get close to another dog again. But one afternoon a year later I received a phone call from Lucas asking me if I was having a stressful day.
Well, I wasn’t but of course I was now wondering if there was a possibility I might be. Lucas had a surprise and was on his way home to introduce us to a new friend. Enter Malaika (Swahili for Angel) or as we tend to call her, Miss Mali. When she arrived poor Miss Mali was so frightened, and my heart instantly melted when she came into the yard.
She and I became fast friends from the first moment we met. I was not working at the time and so I spent every day with her. She followed me everywhere, sitting beside me when I stayed in one place.
When I was unable to bring her shopping etc., she remained within our fenced yard. Her howls and crying could be heard three blocks away. It really broke my heart to hear her, she sounded so forlorn. Yet no matter which direction I came from or how long I had been away, Mali would always be at the gate waiting for me.
Lucas was now living with friends and it was not possible for him to have Mali due to his rental contract. When Patrick and I made plans to move to the Cypress Hills, yearning for a quieter life, Mali came with us. She has remained my closest and dearest companion. I bring her with me wherever I go, even if it means she has to sit in the car. She is given the choice each day to stay at home or come with me. She bolts out the door and is waiting by the car in seconds.
After my marriage dissolved, I didn’t think I would be able to carry on. It was just one too many in a long line of failures which added together made me feel quite hopeless. Had it not been for Miss Mali I do not know if I would have found the courage to keep going. Her joyful soul, so full of hope something wonderful will happen each day makes it impossible to not catch the spirit. I love her with all my heart and say thank you each day for the gift that arrived at my feet eight years ago. I have lost many friends and family members over the years, making it seem that love, companionship, friendship or relationships are not something I am allowed to hold for very long.
I have discovered over the years how important it is to just try. Even though you are frightened and sometimes overcome with fear, it is important to take a deep breath and make the effort to overcome even if you can’t take the final step.
With PTSD every day poses this kind of challenge, facing fear on some level. Getting up to face the day, to look a stranger in the eye, talk to them or even just walk past is a challenge that feels too difficult, knowing you have to face people and interact, accept the possibility of rejection or being hurt. Most of the time it just seems as though there isn’t a good enough reason to take that chance.
For me having another soul to look after has brought me through these trying circumstances. Miss Mali has quite literally saved my life, I believe. She is the reason I get up each day, I thank her for being there for me, helping me understand love is possible and worthwhile.
When I wake each day to the sound of the whap, whap, whap of her tail and the eager look in her eyes to start the day, I know I am lucky indeed to have this unconditional love.