Finding Home, Chapter 3; Man with the Sapphire Eyes

Man with Sapphire Eyes March 25, 1997

I have been confused about this dream because once again I did not know the man who brought me this message. It was obvious he wanted me to make the connection to Jesus, as if in doing so I would understand who he was and why he was there. This man was a messenger and it seems he had been appointed to help me find the man I would discover to be my father.
In this dream we were in a church or a church hall. We were attending an event like an anniversary or wedding dinner. We were visiting with others there when this man came up and stood before me. He couldn’t speak, but he captured me with his stare.
His eyes were an incredible sapphire blue as I had seen in a previous dream years ago. He would not or could not speak, but he followed me wherever I went and just watched me. I could not help but be curious and I was drawn to him because I could always feel his intense gaze.
All of a sudden he seemed to want to tell me something, but I couldn’t understand what he was trying to say. He left and then came back with a picture someone was making. It was a needlepoint image of Jesus with his hand extended and a bird perched on his finger. The image was not yet completed, but the eyes exactly matched this unspeaking man. He could see from the look on my face I understood and then he smiled, very pleased. That was all that I remembered.
I know from looking back in my journals I often compare my father’s appearance to Jesus. I did this knowing full well my father was not literally Jesus, but there was something significant in making the comparison. I guess we all have this idea of how we believe Jesus would have looked, there are many versions in the world confirming this notion.
The man who approached me would match my idea of that image. It stands to reason he was wanting me to remember, not let go of the idea that my father bore a resemblance to Christ. Discovering only recently that my fathers eyes were blue when he died, is most certainly the connection that I was missing at the time of this dream. I was only made aware of this information after moving to Ecuador (2018) during the assembly of this book.

Two women both compared him to Christ and described him as having blue eyes in death. It was such an amazing feeling to be able to connect the message of the dream with this vital piece of information so many years later. It is very satisfying to finally understand the depth of the messages.
*I want to add a partial story suggesting my fathers presence while I was on walkabout. This experience happened after being at the medicine wheel in Chilliwack, BC. Once we left the wheel we ventured out to the coast, camping along the way while looking for stores or galleries that might be interested in carrying our art. We hoped of course to find strong interest that would help us continue. I would have enjoyed nothing more than to keep exploring not only BC, but also the outstanding Oregon Coast.
Although going to the wheel and seeing Grama Grizzly was an important part of our trip, we were also looking for a new place to settle. Until we found that perfect place we would continue to camp and enjoy this adventure for the time it lasted.
Along the way we met a woman who did alternative healing work. Her name was given to us by the leader of the sweat lodge ceremony at the wheel, with the intention I could receive further assistance to learn more about my past. We decided to visit her home which was not too far away, to see what she could do to help, if anything.
Debra was a lovely person, completely open and understanding, inviting us to stay with her for awhile until we could sort some things out. This came as a rather big surprise for us, not being used to this level of acceptance from anyone. We decided to take her up on her offer, helping her out in any way we could in exchange for a room in her cozy home. It was autumn and the weather became unpredictable in the mountains with temperatures dropping dramatically at night. A bed in a warm house seemed a very welcome change, especially for Lucas.
She was very easy to get along with and made us feel welcome upon first meeting, giving us hope we would find some answers after all. One night she decided to do a tea leaf reading, but this was done a little differently because although I drank the tea that night she did not do the reading until the next morning. She also consulted her tarot deck while I drank my tea.
Most of that night is lost to me because of what she told me near the beginning of the reading. She said that Jesus Christ walked with me, he was there beside me as we did this reading and he was with me always. Now hearing this seemed a bit bizarre, after all who am I that one so important would walk with me? I of course expressed my disbelief about this, not understanding how this would be possible, but she insisted she could see his spirit standing beside me.

I let it go, not really accepting what she said, but carrying her words with me all this time. It is just one of those things once heard you cannot forget. The next morning she looked at my palms as well as my tea leaves and described what she saw. I know I had everything written down, perhaps in my diaries, but unfortunately the notes have been lost along the way.
I no longer remember her exact words, describing things about me like having the power over who lived and died, things to do with the moon, and vengeance. Nothing was making sense yet I couldn’t help but be amazed by her growing excitement as she mumbled things which seemed so unimportant.
Suddenly she saw something and said to me with great force of excitement that I must come to see her at work, she must have me on her table to start working on me right away. Her enthusiasm was contagious and I began to believe perhaps I would find out something of importance about my family. We visited her store later that day only to find she had met a man an hour earlier who had come into her shop and completely redirected her attention.
She became completely enamored with him, forgetting everything she had said to me only hours before, and he became the center of her attention. Inviting him home for dinner that evening, I could see the familiar pattern emerge. The writing was on the wall, the moment had passed, the opportunity to share the knowledge lost for now.
We did indeed have supper with this man, someone she believed was there to rescue her, a sort of love at first sight thing. However we saw something very different. We saw a man who had been parked outside her home on more than one occasion. We saw someone who was intentionally sidetracking her, saying things which played to her vulnerabilities, blowing her into an entirely different place. During that expertly played scene we realized it was time for us to move on, this man was our signal, so that evening began to gather our things, leaving two days later. She was shocked at our ‘sudden’ decision to depart, but at the same time we could see the excitement in her eyes for this new found affection.
We spoke with her later on the phone and she confirmed the truth of what we observed, the mystery man stepping out of her life as quickly as he had arrived, departing very shortly after we left. She was heartbroken, realizing her mistake. Unfortunately, she too was forced to move on not long after we were there and we lost contact as she again went into hiding.
It would be years later visiting a bookstore while living in Saskatoon I would understand what she told me that morning. I went to the bookstore in search of information about the angel Gabriel because I had just received the vision receiving my name.* I wanted to learn more about the name and the angel, making an effort to understand why I had been given this name with a masculine spelling.
Another mystery began to unravel upon my finding a sort of A – Z of angels. It was a beautiful book which I would have loved to buy had we not been so tight for funds. As it so often goes in these situations, the money eventually comes but then you cannot find the book! But the details I read that day remained with me because of their significance to what I was told some years before in a kitchen one autumn morning:
– The Angel Gabriel is frequently considered female
– She is the angel of vengeance
– She is the angel of the moon
– She determines the fate of the cherubim and seraphim – She carries a white lily, representing peace
– She sits on God’s left side opposite Jesus – She is God’s messenger
There were many other things in the book but what I retained seemed significant based on receiving the name Gabriel in the way I did. While I was with Debra she was comparing me to this angel because of my name, which I did not have at that time. I believe she was seeing Jesus because this was who my father was compared to several times in my memories and dreams. My father was telling her who I was, giving information to be passed on, but she unfortunately was diverted a short time afterwards.
What would I have learned that day had she stayed focused and in her center? Would this information have helped or hindered me at the time? I can only believe now as I did then I was not ready to hear what she had to tell me.
I often think of Debra and hope she made her way safely. Her gifts were threatening to some and her life made difficult because of this. We will always be extremely grateful for her kind, gentle spirit, willing as she was to help total strangers on their journey. How can you not love such a person?
*see My Birth Name, Chapter III, page 118