After finding Scott yesterday afternoon, he once again disappeared on me when I went to check on him the next time. I took my time, slowly checking the base of every tree in the yard because of how easily he disguised himself earlier, but I had no luck. It was dusk, not much time left before total darkness settled in, so I was worried. It seemed he did not want to be found and although I needed to find him, I questioned whether I should find him.
Around 9:00 pm, it began to rain, and I had to go search again, not wanting him to become chilled on top of everything else. Using my flash lite, I was able to find him easily, his eyes watching me, the glow of them caught in the light. I think maybe he was hoping I would find him because he was sitting out in a more open space, but the brush made it difficult for me to reach him. I would have found him earlier had he been in this spot, so he came out of wherever he had been hiding. I carried him back and placed him on his blanket just outside my door – he never made a sound as I lay him down gently. I was thinking maybe he was getting better, that in the morning he would be more himself. I tried to feed him, but he turned away from the food and the water. I sat with him, then let him rest, he seemed comfortable and I was very happy I found him.
Before turning in for the night I checked on him again, and he had moved, without making any sound of being in pain, and seemed to be sleeping peacefully. I left him alone, not wishing to disturb him, just watched him quietly from my window above where he lay.
I woke in the night about 2:00 am, to a dogs yelping, and was sure it was Scott. But when I got up to check on him, it was Chiripa who was crying out, Scott was nowhere to be seen. He disappeared into the night once more. The rain had stopped. I lay in bed crying softly believing I was not going to find him this time. A short time later, I felt this incredible surge of energy fill my body. It was as though the energy was much bigger than I could hold and everything went quiet inside, there was no noise, no pain, no sorrow, just a serene emptiness for what seemed like minutes, and then it was gone. Scott was on his way, at least this is what I believe, his parting gift was unmistakably beautiful.
I did still try to find him today, for a long time I carefully checked the property, but could not find him. There is no body to confirm he has passed on, so part of me still hopes he will reveal his new hiding spot to me, but I understand I am waiting in vain. Scrappy has been strangely quiet all day, his best friend is not here to be crazy with him, and I think he is sad. It has been raining for most of the day, and although I should have walked into town today, or gone for my run, I could not find the strength to do so.
Scott drove me crazy with his reckless behaviour, and I tried many times to stop him chasing the vehicles, but he just couldn’t help himself. Upon returning, and hearing the tone of my voice, he knew he had done wrong, and then would try very hard to behave for the rest of the run or walk. But it was a game to him, one he thought he would always win.
I hope he is enjoying the freedom of chasing “whatever” in the dog spirit world now, the freedom to be Scott without repercussion. He was a joyful spirit and very brave (most of the time), and I do miss his presence today – a light went out in my world with his passing. But I will never forget him, his playful energy and determination to be a wolf disguised in a small dogs body. He taught Mali to play, to be part of a family and to beg anytime, anywhere. He was a beautiful, frustrating, crazy, happy boy who needed a much bigger playground……
